Stage!

I'm terribily missing the spotlight on me , the cheers , the costumes , the hustle-bustle just about five minutes before stepping on , the make-up , that cardboard cut out room , that dholak.. I wish those days come back again..

There is something strong , something out of this world happens when you step up there, when your audience stops their part of the world just to see you perform..
It gives you jitters when they break into an applause , a silly joke gives a round of laughter ...

You can be a politician at the age of twelve when you don't know who the ruling party is..

You can be a village girl romancing a boy when you don't know there is something beyond friendship..

You can be a school girl at the age of 24..

You can be a girl who regains her virginity (yeah seriously . I've played this character.. :P ) ;-)

School days were so much fun.. those endless practice sessions of poetry recitation , that n-th times rehearsed debates...

missing all of that..

Infact so terribbly missing that i'm trying to format this post for about a week but still not able to do that.. so finally I'm posting it like i've it in my drafts with some random pics..

Pardon the poor picture quality coz I've clicked pics of the pics.. :P
will add some more later.. school album missing as murphy uncle never leaves me alone.. :D

Sometimes its love.. not crush.. but still one sided love

He said he wanted to kill me.. I was not surprised.. I had known it for years.. But this time he came with a knife.. A big black butcher's knife..

I imagined a dead me.. The usually coiled intestine lying uncoiled.. He is splattering the blood.. Looking dirty.. unshaven.. parched lips.. neck glistening with perspiration.. Smelling of his masculinity.. Exactly like in those moments of love making.. A fetish for my stomach.. Everything I imagined turned me on.. but he was here to kill me..

Should I kiss him?? He looks irresistible sometimes.. Today was one of those days..

His eternal masculinity , that towering presence.. everything was creating a "Sorry presence" .. Was he crying?? For me?? He possesses me.. Then why this wail..

I kept staring.. His eyes said You never surrender..

His face said I love you thats reason enough to kill you.. And I'm man enough to kill you..

The convulsion of love, jealousy can KILL YOU! You know it sometimes exudes poison..

I was a bottle of wine he would say.. Drink me , dry me and then keep the bottle to show-off..
For me he was solid.. How can I drink.. :(
I clutched my own hands.. face in my bosom.. wailing like a child.. I always think of electrifying ideas to "create a sense of surrender"..

I don't know why he chose a black knife.. his colour was always blue..
Strange!
Strange why he would kill me with knife.. He could poison me..

I questioned him and before that I got the answer in his masculinity.. He is MALE after all.. He can't kill me in cowardly ways.. He has to face IT.. face ME..

Will he take out my heart to feel it..?? After all he once "loved" it.. Will he cry for me.. ??

He said lets go out.. we sat at our favourite place.. Loneliness was what he loved.. Of-course after you he always said..
He was talking.. I was looking into his eyes.. I overheard his last phrase "You were never mine.. I kept looking for you"..

That night he slept humming a song.. A beautiful romantic one..
In the morning he gave me a hug.. I was averse...

He started pacing the room up and down.. I knew this is the "Attack of love".. I kissed him and he was normal.. He came to me and shouted "I'm killing you right now.."
I was thinking where would he pierce first.. How fast would the blood gush out..
Some drops will splatter on his lower lip.. His lips are always parched.. Will he lick it?? Can he feel my smell in that?? Will he cry?? Will he then understand what is love??

I opened my eyes.. His petrified eyes struck me.. I held him.. took his face to my bosom.. He was crying.. This was THE MOMENT for me..

I was ecstatic..

Blood was on my lower lip. I licked it and he was saying "This is surrender"