Stage!

I'm terribily missing the spotlight on me , the cheers , the costumes , the hustle-bustle just about five minutes before stepping on , the make-up , that cardboard cut out room , that dholak.. I wish those days come back again..

There is something strong , something out of this world happens when you step up there, when your audience stops their part of the world just to see you perform..
It gives you jitters when they break into an applause , a silly joke gives a round of laughter ...

You can be a politician at the age of twelve when you don't know who the ruling party is..

You can be a village girl romancing a boy when you don't know there is something beyond friendship..

You can be a school girl at the age of 24..

You can be a girl who regains her virginity (yeah seriously . I've played this character.. :P ) ;-)

School days were so much fun.. those endless practice sessions of poetry recitation , that n-th times rehearsed debates...

missing all of that..

Infact so terribbly missing that i'm trying to format this post for about a week but still not able to do that.. so finally I'm posting it like i've it in my drafts with some random pics..

Pardon the poor picture quality coz I've clicked pics of the pics.. :P
will add some more later.. school album missing as murphy uncle never leaves me alone.. :D

Sometimes its love.. not crush.. but still one sided love

Some truth are stranger than fiction and its more strange to accept those truths
and here is one in sequels one two n three...






He said he wanted to kill me.. I was not surprised.. I had known it for years.. But this time he came with a knife.. A big black butcher's knife..

I imagined a dead me.. The usually coiled intestine lying uncoiled.. He is splattering the blood.. Looking dirty.. unshaven.. parched lips.. neck glistening with perspiration.. Smelling of his masculinity.. Exactly like in those moments of love making.. A fetish for my stomach.. Everything I imagined turned me on.. but he was here to kill me..

Should I kiss him?? He looks irresistible sometimes.. Today was one of those days..

His eternal masculinity , that towering presence.. everything was creating a "Sorry presence" .. Was he crying?? For me?? He possesses me.. Then why this wail..

I kept staring.. His eyes said You never surrender..

His face said I love you thats reason enough to kill you.. And I'm man enough to kill you..

The convulsion of love, jealousy can KILL YOU! You know it sometimes exudes poison..

I was a bottle of wine he would say.. Drink me , dry me and then keep the bottle to show-off..
For me he was solid.. How can I drink.. :(
I clutched my own hands.. face in my bosom.. wailing like a child.. I always think of electrifying ideas to "create a sense of surrender"..

I don't know why he chose a black knife.. his colour was always blue..
Strange!
Strange why he would kill me with knife.. He could poison me..

I questioned him and before that I got the answer in his masculinity.. He is MALE after all.. He can't kill me in cowardly ways.. He has to face IT.. face ME..

Will he take out my heart to feel it..?? After all he once "loved" it.. Will he cry for me.. ??

He said lets go out.. we sat at our favourite place.. Loneliness was what he loved.. Of-course after you he always said..
He was talking.. I was looking into his eyes.. I overheard his last phrase "You were never mine.. I kept looking for you"..

That night he slept humming a song.. A beautiful romantic one..
In the morning he gave me a hug.. I was averse...

He started pacing the room up and down.. I knew this is the "Attack of love".. I kissed him and he was normal.. He came to me and shouted "I'm killing you right now.."
I was thinking where would he pierce first.. How fast would the blood gush out..
Some drops will splatter on his lower lip.. His lips are always parched.. Will he lick it?? Can he feel my smell in that?? Will he cry?? Will he then understand what is love??

I opened my eyes.. His petrified eyes struck me.. I held him.. took his face to my bosom.. He was crying.. This was THE MOMENT for me..

I was ecstatic..

Blood was on my lower lip. I licked it and he was saying "This is surrender"


P.S. Please read the linked posts in the opening lines of this post.. The two different sides of SURRENDER and POSSESSION.

P.P.S. I am REALLY hurt so don't want general appreciation for my sad story
pleasse share your interpretation if you really care
All the comments are accepted only when your interpretation is also written..

Papa wants to cut my tongue! :(

Yeah you read it right!! My Papa wants to cut my tongue.. No its not any saying,idiom , adage , legend or anything even remotely related to that.. He really means it.. literally.. :(

All hell broke loose when I woke up this morning and my Papa all of a sudden announced that you are going to the see the doc today itself to get your tongue cut..
Listening to him, I thought may be I'm still sleepy but noooo.. IT WAS HARSH REALITY..!!

Papa wants to cut my tongue..

Probable reasons:
1. I speak too much by his standards. :D :D
2. I don't clean my tongue properly.. :P
3. I'm getting fatter day by day 'coz of love for food.. ;)

You must be thinking these cant be reasons to cut the only tongue of your one and only but very difficult daughter ;-)

Well you are right.. There are some better reasons..

1. To decrease my dependency on tongue wagging smileys and be able to wag tongue
myself.
I'm one of those unfortunate kids who could never tease other children by showing
my tongue.. :( Poor me.. ;(

2. To be able to pick out that spinach in my teeth without using tooth pick.. ;-)

3. This is an interesting one -->> Participate equally in tongue-involved french
kiss :P



4. Increase the general mobility of my tongue.. So that I can lick ice-cream..and
not eat it :D :D


Well, Its sad but true.. I'm tongue-tied. Take it literally again..

Underside of my tongue is attached to the floor of my mouth.. Don't imagine.. Look at the pic.. You'll get the feel of it.. ;-)



(Image Source : www.ghorayeb.com/)

So I see it this way :Its like the floor of my mouth loves my tongue so much that it doesn't let it go out or meet other tongue of opposite sex.. And to attract my tongue.. you know what my mouth does?! Whenever my tongue tries to sneak out by wagging, it reshapes my tongue into a beautiful W-shape unlike other tongues which make a 'U'.. My tongue likes that 'W' so much that it quickly goes inside and gives a big hug to my mouth :D :D
You again didn't get it.. Right?? OK refer to the pics :D





<<--My tongue


Your Tongue -->>





(image source :internet )
I know its weird but I think a little weird sometimes.. :D :D

And now the reality of it. This condition is known as Ankyloglossia medically and its a birth defect.
I visited Dentist today and he said I can get it cut under the effect of anaesthesia and then I can wag tongue.. :P

But I've opted out of this option.. I don't want to end the love affair of my tongue and my mouth.. :D :D

And my Papa loves me.. :D :D

P.S. : Sorry if u read it complete and it didn't make any sense to you.. I can perfectly understand. You are not the only one.. :D :D

Trying To Blog!

Hello readers..
He He.. :D Ok Ok .. I know there aren't many readers , Barring one whom I force to read my stuff by torturing through text messages.. :P {And you better say that "I want to read..you don't force.." };-)
So coming back to the topic.. I was occupied by some random soul who made me a bit insane.. That soul captured me .. made me sad.. made me a depressed child.. :|
But now I'm back.. And I don't know for how long but right now I feel like flying.. My final year result is out and .. No.. I didn't come out with flying colors but yes I scored decent presentable marks.. :D

Though I have a lot to catch up with other important things right now and I shouldn't be blogging but I just cant stop myself today.. :-) I am HAPPYYYYYY :-)

But Where Was I : Well , I was a little engrossed that too out of no reason.. :D :D Anyways these days I have finally figured out that I'm the most confused soul present on our Mother Earth ..And here I was thinking for 25 whole years of my existence that I'm so logical, so clear in my thoughts , so neatly marked out , so.... hmmm... I can go on and on with adjectives for me .. Yes I am self-obsessed..But not like always-in-front-of-mirror types.. 'coz I've some kind of enmity with mirrors..

The more I look into mirror , more fat n ugly I look.. All Murphy's law just wait in nooks and corners of my home to blast out the minute I'm in front of my mirror..



Oh did I tell you once a professor in his introductory class was staring continuously and then in between the lecture he said..
Prof : Lady, Can you please get up..
Me : Yes Sir.. (Getting up all puzzled with a perfectly plastered smile on my face ..and Trust me I didn't do anything.. I was not even reading novel that day..)
Prof : Why is your hair so messed up??
Me : Sir.. umm.. Sir..
Prof : Is that just-out-of-the-bed-look you are carrying. You better get your hair chopped if you cant manage...

It was so embarrassing.. :( Its not like I don't manage my hair, but my hair , I don't know, of what texture they are of.. The minute I step under a fan they just leave all the discipline I impose on them to be inside that hair clip..

After that class I always sat on the last chair so that no trace of Fan- air can reach there :P But as they first impression is the last impression. That Proff gave me barely passing marks in Internal Assessment.. :/

Ok now enough of rant.. I'll try to come back again soon.. Bye for now..

P.S. Did I tell you I visited Agra... And let me reveal a secret " Taj Mahal is beautiful " :P



P.P.S Pardon any typos.. Was in a hurry.. :-)

One love is all she needs.. :(

Hold it.. No.. Breathe.. Deep breaths.. More deeper..

Her hands with overgrown full of dirt n filth nails.. With shiny metallic fingers..These hands into her womb.. Pulled that beautiful thing out..

In blood..she looked beautiful.. She kissed her..

Now a grown up girl..

Grown-up Girl?? Now how do u segregate a grown up from a kiddo girl??
Hmm.. Well when only some people try to touch..Then a kiddo..
When most of them want to fondle.. A Grown-Up..
pretty simple..Right!!

People said they haven't seen a girl like her..She was free flowing..She was spontaneous..She was LIFE..

After that day .. :( :( inferiority complex setting in..gripping her.. strangulating her.. killing her..

She wants to be loved.. To be felt..To be cared for..

But she knows.. Knows that she is just not destined to be loved..she is too bad to be loved..she just doesn't deserves to be loved..
Even if someone loves her..She knows eventually he WILL leave her..Alone..
The Verdict : She is not programmed to be loved..

She'll die.. a lonely death..

Her only wish is to prove herself wrong. She really really wish to be loved..
The Reason : That day!! Not obsessed with love..but That Day!!

Blog-Award

You all must be knowing by this time that its not raining water .. but TAGS this time..
I love doing tags but this time its all the more special because its an Award by Rads..
I got my 1st award for the blog also from her only.. Love you sweety..
*Standing on chair and blowing Kisses*
Overwhelmed and teary eyes.. hehe
With heartfelt grattitude I accept the award.





So here goes the interview which I gave to the papparazi after the felicitation..
hehe Okie I exaggerated.. Actually following are the questions which Rads want me to answer.. I hope I answer them well..who knows she might take the award back.. ;)

1. What is your current obsession?
Obsession.. Umm for me its a negative word.. But I'm toally in love with someone.. <3 <3

2. What are you wearing today?
Kurti and salwar..

3. What’s for dinner?
I dont know.. Let me have lunch first..no..

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
A pair of earrings and one kajal stick .. (yesterday only..My bro screwed up my old stick.. :( he was trying to write with it..huh.. Men!! )

5. What are you listening to right now?
"Piya tose naina lage re.. "

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
She was the first person with whom I interacted when I started blogging..she has good knowledge on varied subjects and She hate spammers.. :P
hehe I remeber this spamming thing coz its written in her disclaimer in a very scolding tone.. :P

7. Replaced Question : Do you believe in telepathy?
Yes .. For sure.. :-)

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
I would reply same as Rads.. Cotton churidars.. I love them..

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Kanpur Kanpur Kanpur <3 <3

10. Which language do you want to learn?
language of eyes.. "Aankhon hi aankhon mein ishara ho gaya " hehe

11. What’s your favourite quote?
Eat Drink and Be Merry..
There is one strange thing about this quote that I always use this as my reply but I actually never use it.. :P ;)

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
Ashwini

13. What is your favourite colour?
Blue

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?
An all white kurta and churidaar..

15. What is your dream job?
Actor.. :-)

16. What’s your favourite magazine?
I dont know if thats my fav.. But I read frontline and tehelka

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Books for sure.. I want to buy whole Ayn Rand series.. :-)

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
I'm a fashion disater.. so cant comment on this one.. I cant even match my salwars and kurta.. so you can imagine. hehe

19. Who are your style icons?
No One..

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
Long hair..

21. What are you going to do after this?
Study.. :)

22. What are your favourite movies?
Vijeta ,Tare Zameen Par, Socha Na Tha,The terminal and many many more..

24. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can't live without?
Aisa to nahi hai ki I cant live without these.. But I like Earrings and kajal.

23. What inspires you?
People, Books , Quotes .. It can be anyone anything.. I believe everyone has something in which he/she excels.. so we can get inspired by anyone.. :-)

24. Give us three styling tips that always work for you:
Alien things for me.. I never try anything may be that works for me.. :)

25. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?
I crib.. hehehe

26. Coffee or tea?
Anything will do.. Btw this question reminds me of song "Tere sang ek simple si coffe bhi kick deti hai " I like this song..Nice beats.. :)

27. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
I sleep.. zzzzzzzzz....

28. What is the meaning of your name?
White

29. Which other blogs you love visiting?
Chhotisiduniya.blogspot.com

30. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
Kulfi.. malai wali.. ummmm yum yum

31. Favorite Season ?
Rains..

32. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
I can only cook maggi on my own.. So can i take some help from mom?? :)


Rules for those who are tagged:
Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.

Eight to ten people is way too much.. :( Some people will kill me if I'll tag them again.. May be they dont enjoy tags as much as I do..
Anyways let me try ..

I'd like to share the awards and tag with...

Ashwini
Vinay
Aniruddha
Chiranjib
Archana

Desi Dilwale Tag.. :-)

Here comes PG again with a new tag.. :-)this time it is by a twitter buddy Chetan from our very own Desi Dilwale gang.. :) (I almost hashtagged DDGang :P )

1. What time did you get up this morning?
At around 5.15A.m. .. usual timings.. :-)

2. How do you like your steak?
A steak.. I'm a vegetarian.. So Don't Know really..

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
I guess Aaloo Chaat.. hehehehehe.. No seriously.. And there were only 7-8 people in the theatre

4. What is your favorite TV show?
My all time favourite is Mitti ke rang.. :-)

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Some Hill station probably.. I havent been to anywhere except Delhi..

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Cake.. :-)

7. What is your favourite cuisine?
Indian

8. What foods do you dislike?
Ouch..I never thought about this.. I dont think there is something I dislike.. hehehee

9. Favourite Place to Eat?
Home sweet home.. Maa ke hath ka khana is the best.. :-)

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
I don't know driving.. :(

12. What are your favourite clothes?
Kurta and salwar.. comfy and easy to maintain.. :) oh and big chunky earrings always add to my mood.. :)

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
You mean right now?? Kanpur for sure.. :)

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full??
Which ever way yaar.. 1st tell me what was inside the cup.. Damn!! ;-p

15. Where would you want to retire?
Retirement?? Abhi to zindagi se mili hu.. :)

16. Favorite time of day?
Mornings.. I love everything which gives new opportunities..

17. Where were you born?
Bihar

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Cricket I guess..

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
I cant say.. How can I tell you that..

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
Same reply yaar.. How do i know..

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
No prizes for guessing.. Ashwini any day.. <3 <3

22. Bird watcher?
YEah.. ;-)

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
I think I'm both.. I sleep around 1 and wake up around 5.. :)

24. Do you have any pets?
Nope!

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?
Yeah I have an exciting news but cant reveal here.. :|

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
A good doctor..

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Getting my first best actress award.. :)

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Whats this?? :0

29. Are you married?
Nahi jee.. :)

30. Always wear your seat belt?
I rarely travel by car.. so..

31. Been in a car accident?
Nah..never..

32. Any pet peeves?
Nothing which I can recollect now.. :)

33. Favourite Pizza Toppings?
tomato ,capsicum , cheese and olives :) umm yummy..

34. Favourite Flower?
Lotus..

35. Favourite ice cream?
I like the Indian Kulfi.. malai wali..

36. Favourite fast food restaurant?
Mc Donalds.. Apne zamane ke prices hai na.. :P

37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?
Never .. heheehh kabhi diya hi nahi.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
A twitter notification. :P

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
I don't have one.. :)

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
yes.. But dont want to reveal.. ;)

41. Happy with your job?
Still studying..

42. Broccoli?
yeah.. i like that..Told u na..I like everything vegetarian..

43. What was your favorite vacation?
:(

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Family. :)

45. What are you listening to right now?
Angel- by Shaggy

46. What is your favorite color?
Blue

47. How many tattoos do you have?
None

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Secret.. :)

49. In What time did you finish this quiz?
15 mins.. I guess.. I dint use stop watch though.. So + - 5 mins.. hehehe

50. Coffee Drinker?
Yeah.. :)

Tagging this to Ashwini , Nabeel , Aneesh ..