Saturday, November 21, 2009

Sometimes its love.. not crush.. but still one sided love



He said he wanted to kill me.. I was not surprised.. I had known it for years.. But this time he came with a knife.. A big black butcher's knife..

I imagined a dead me.. The usually coiled intestine lying uncoiled.. He is splattering the blood.. Looking dirty.. unshaven.. parched lips.. neck glistening with perspiration.. Smelling of his masculinity.. Exactly like in those moments of love making.. A fetish for my stomach.. Everything I imagined turned me on.. but he was here to kill me..

Should I kiss him?? He looks irresistible sometimes.. Today was one of those days..

His eternal masculinity , that towering presence.. everything was creating a "Sorry presence" .. Was he crying?? For me?? He possesses me.. Then why this wail..

I kept staring.. His eyes said You never surrender..

His face said I love you thats reason enough to kill you.. And I'm man enough to kill you..

The convulsion of love, jealousy can KILL YOU! You know it sometimes exudes poison..

I was a bottle of wine he would say.. Drink me , dry me and then keep the bottle to show-off..
For me he was solid.. How can I drink.. :(
I clutched my own hands.. face in my bosom.. wailing like a child.. I always think of electrifying ideas to "create a sense of surrender"..

I don't know why he chose a black knife.. his colour was always blue..
Strange!
Strange why he would kill me with knife.. He could poison me..

I questioned him and before that I got the answer in his masculinity.. He is MALE after all.. He can't kill me in cowardly ways.. He has to face IT.. face ME..

Will he take out my heart to feel it..?? After all he once "loved" it.. Will he cry for me.. ??

He said lets go out.. we sat at our favourite place.. Loneliness was what he loved.. Of-course after you he always said..
He was talking.. I was looking into his eyes.. I overheard his last phrase "You were never mine.. I kept looking for you"..

That night he slept humming a song.. A beautiful romantic one..
In the morning he gave me a hug.. I was averse...

He started pacing the room up and down.. I knew this is the "Attack of love".. I kissed him and he was normal.. He came to me and shouted "I'm killing you right now.."
I was thinking where would he pierce first.. How fast would the blood gush out..
Some drops will splatter on his lower lip.. His lips are always parched.. Will he lick it?? Can he feel my smell in that?? Will he cry?? Will he then understand what is love??

I opened my eyes.. His petrified eyes struck me.. I held him.. took his face to my bosom.. He was crying.. This was THE MOMENT for me..

I was ecstatic..

Blood was on my lower lip. I licked it and he was saying "This is surrender"


22 comments:

Stephen said...

you are a really good writer :) !!! #awesomeness

अनिल कान्त : said...

kya baat hai ji
achchha likhti ho

Anonymous me said...

PG y do all (most ok few) of your posts target men ?

preposterous girl said...

@Ashwini ,Anil , Anonymous me , Stephen ..
I am REALLY hurt so don't want general appreciation for my sad story
pleasse share your interpretation if you really care
All the comments are accepted only when your interpretation is also written..

sm said...

good story
always one has to surrender when other is right.

Ravindra Merthi said...

After colpletin all d 4-chapters am still puzzled. Its a heartbreak whn sumthng happened wid our dearest; whom w loved most.

"ankoo" is d victim of domestic violence who suffered through out her life from d pain getting by hr parents. Nothng compensate wid her childhood.

Prasoon was a victim of cirsumstances and Pankuri suffered coz of her TRUE LOVE. whatevr happend none can interpret d right feelings, d loss coz w r outsiders.

Actually SHE already interpret.

For Pankuri, its a disaster;
God Bless Her.
Let it go...Let it go

PS:i guess tht the background of this template devoted for Prasoon-Pankuri

PS:where's the PG's signature???

Adesh Sidhu said...

After a long hiatus...good to see you back on blogging world. I hope you could write something which little less heavy.

*KHUSHI* said...

huh?? * hugss* post is nicely written but full of pain.... :|

Chiranjib said...

Hey girl, I can infer how sad u were when u wrote this. Thus, I can empathize with ur emotions...
Love means giving without any expectations in return.... and pain is its ultimate peak... so feel blessed!!

preposterous girl said...

Hi Ravindra
its good to read your interpretation of the story..
it has made me curious to understand your point of view more
clearly... would really appreciate if you can continue with your
explanation..

preposterous girl said...

Hi SM..
I didnt write it with "right or wrong" in my mind..
But if its still reflecting in the write up , please tell me whom do you think is right here..
I would really appreciate it..

preposterous girl said...

Hi Adesh..
last two posts were light.. :-)

Hi Khushi..
Yeah it was written in pain.. *hugs*

Hi Chiranjib..
I wonder if you love someone why would you like to see him/her in pain..
And even if I agree on your point , then the partner who is surrendering should believe in his/her partner totally , completely.. Then only the surrender would be complete...

Anonymous me said...

Time heals !!

She'd be lucky if only she had missed the news that day ! .. she at least would live with the 'hope' that she'd meet prasoon 'some' day in this small world...

Now that she knows that the one who she really loved deep in her heart is no more and the hard-true reality - her chauvinist husband, her only hope is 'ankoo'.

Typical case where feelings were left unexpressed and as a result she never had a chance to evaluate if she ever did 'stand a chance' !! She should have confronted and a failure after that would atleast leave her satisfied knowing what the 'answer' was or who knows she might had gotten just lucky ?

If's n Buts ...

God bless !

Ravindra Merthi said...

Prasoon's accident was the result of his mental disturbance. How can he kill his beloved?

When we face this bitter truth that our beloved is no more than the chapters of our past flashed as a frame in our mind one by one.

Her past make her stronger than ever before. Ofcourse this is not easy to accept but for the future; Ankoo is future.

Make Ankoo strong so that SHE can face all weathers in her life. SHE is GOD's gift to Pankhuri.

PS: go for Revolutionary Road (movie) once.

Sorcerer said...

wow!! that was well written..
:)

truth...they hurt!

pRiYaN...! said...

excellent plot and narration...
this is the visit time am visiting you blog and this post has made me follow you !

keep writing and we ll keep posting our insights...

-pRiYaN..!

preposterous girl said...

Hi Anonymous me and Ravindra
Thanks to both of you for comments.. :-)


Hi Sorcerer and Priyan
Thanks for taking time out to read my post.. Keep visiting.. :-)

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Max said...

Was taken aback with the post. I guess I always expected @smilinggal to have a blog of smiles.

But I guess life's not so.

Will have to read the prequels to comment sensibly on characters. But well written I must say, in all honesty.

Max

Rachit Goel said...

Don't know how many times I've read this post on ur blog. But still I come many times to the same...Nice stuff. Wud like more...

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monisha mehta said...

hey , nice blog , like it ,
won't be nice if i u can clickover to my blog page too ,
& post some suggestion

guru boy said...

Hi there, ma'am

I was waiting for your next post, but it never came so I scrolled down for older ones, & i found this awesome writing.

However it felt like I am reading a script of Frank Miller's "Sin City".

Very close interpretation of emotions and reaction, especially the "possessing" and "surrender"development.
Possessing was not that enables one to develop true love that is indeed mutual, and surrender was the key to it.

very beautiful development from "possession" to "surrender".

(PS: hope it never happened to anyone, ever. It's really a rude blow)