Friday, June 19, 2009

STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO UNAPOLOGETIC WALKING

(Image source :Internet)
I took up a challenge around 3 months back..And believe you me , It was a real toughy as it had to be performed in the notorious and infamous Rape Capital of India..
I didnt dared to tell this to my mum about this challenge lest she would have surely discouraged.. umm no not discouraged she would have locked me up for even just having a thought to be so adventurous..:)
Okay now enough of introduction..Lets get down to business.So I took up this challange of
STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO UNAPOLOGETIC WALKING initiated by blanknoise.
I'm writting first the challenge and then its result..

1. Walk very very slowly.
To start with this step, I was a little sceptical. What if someone considers me a "lose character"?? But then after a day of constant muddling with this question I came to the conclusion- WHO CARES !! This is my city.I have full right to take a stroll, to admire its beauty by walking very very slowly..
Result : I constantly got second looks, sometimes even 3rd or 4th look.. Once the guy in the car slowed his car and gave some "signals" that I can get a lift..

2. Walk without your phone.
This was not very difficult coz anyways my phone was in service centre, so it was like out of compulsion too.But there was always this fear in the initial days that what if someone grabs me , put into the moving car then I dont have any mode of communication..
But thankfully nothing of that sort happened.I think this step was added so that we girls can walk confidently without being in touch with some friend or spouse constantly..
I declare that this step was quite easy for me to perform.. :)

3. Walk without your bag.
Phew..I didnt knew that I was unconsciously using bags to hide myself from those oggling eyes.. :o
When I walked without my big bag, I almost felt naked.. Yes naked is the word.. I used to hide myself..Maybe I was not comfortable with my body..But after 10 days without the bag, I felt confident..
I cant say this for all the girls out there, but I definitely felt better. May be I was underconfident earlier :(

4. Walk without your arms crossed or folded.
Now this was a habit and very difficult to get rid off.Standing on the bus stop when all the rickshawwalas, local uncle-jis , pani-wala , bus-conductors staring at ur breasts, what u'll do.. Crossing arms is like reflex action deep embedded in ur brains..
I'm telling u very difficult to undo this action..But finally I won over that too..but with cheating..I started wearing dupatta :P but for just two day till I got down to point 17..
After some days I succeeded without any cheats.. When someone stared ,I stared them back with the look- "Don't mess with me"

5. Walk without your sunglasses
Can't say anything about this coz I dont have sunglasses :( .This point in a way helped my wishlist to grow.Have to save money now :P
BTW I dont know y this point coz I always thought that sunglasses make u more "vulnerable" to those "vultures"

6. Walk without looking on the ground.
After I took up this challenge then I noticed many of the women use this "strategy " of looking on the ground..It was fun looking the world straight in their eyes.Many of those stares changed their directions , just by looking in the eyes :)

7. Walk looking at passersby.
This one was real fun when I had to look at the hotties ;)
On a serious note, even my friends thought what am I doing..Can,t say about its results coz I'm still not comfortable doing this + I can,t understand its rationale..

8. Walk with your shoulders back
Panic button pressed here..!! Shoulders back means.. No slumped posture means torso fully in-a-way exposed with clothes on!!But I dared and came over this too.Now I can confidently walk down any road without any adjustments in my posture :)

9. Walk with your chin a little raised.
This was almost same as No.6 .. So same results.No extra work here.

10. Walk with a smile.
:-D Tough when I'm not blessed with a smiling face :P and also a smile without any reason in our society means "I'm asking for it".. This one took me the longest to adjust..A guy even smiled back once :-D

11. Walk swinging your arms.
Swinging my arms??? How can I?? I'm always taught to walk straight without looking here and there..
Oh let me tell u one thing..While this experiment, I was thinking as to why girls don't look here and there while walking, atleast in Delhi.. I tried looking here n there..And voila!! I got the result.. coz every nook and corner, on the sides of the roads, even on the sides of the bus stops , u can see men relieving themselves relieving themselves..Girls surely don't want to have a dekko of those flashing u-know-what of men suffering from uncontollable-bladder.

12. Walk humming a song.
I love it..I love humming songs but in public places.It was a definite no-no.. I remeber once a girl was humming song in the bus and an elder cousin said "look that girl is singing".. Maybe the seed germinated there that girls should not hum in full public view or else u r again "asking for it"..
But I tried it first with i-pod on and humming along with it..Some eyes were raised.Women gave me a strange look..
Then I graduated to the next step. Humming without any support.. Few days later, I can confidently hum louder without any thoughts about "log kya kahenge"

13. Walk whistling.
Poor me :( I cant whistle.. so no results.. But this one will surely brand us Adam-teasers ;) what say girl-whistlers :P

14. Walk day dreaming.
Oh I do it all the time.And I started doing it with no.1 point, where I had to walk very slowly..

15. Walk in the middle of a pavement.
This one was tough more because here in Delhi the two-wheeler drivers prefer to drive their bikes on the footpath leaving no space for pedestrians..And the walled sides have stench of urine, so even tougher to walk there.. :)
So no pavement walking- middle or sides :(

16. Walk alone.
Difficult during sunny afternoons.I used the preventive measures which always pops-up in newspapers like walking against the traffic and using more crowded roads..I couldnot incorporate slow walking and walking alone away from my home like near college.. I felt defeated here :(

17. Walk without your duppata.
Told u earlier ..I took some time to adjust.But with other points like walking looking straight helped a lot :)

18. Walk wearing the one garment you always wanted to but did not because you someone made you feel you ar 'asking for it'
This one garment was a low-neckline top.I wore it only if some friend is picking and dropping by car..not even bike..
So I decide to wear it.. And I wore it and ended up getting lots of unwanted comments while walking down the road.But like other times, I didnt felt guilty.. :D

19. Walk alone.
I dont know y this point was repeated.May be this was done on purpose..

20. Walk at 7 am. 5 am. midnight. 3 pm. 1 pm. 9 pm.
I tried jogging at 5 and 7 a.m. it was tough and I failed..I could not jog as people were staring as in my locality girls dont jog .None at all...I'm at loss of reason for this :(
Though I admit I didnt tried that hard as I did in other points, coz I'm too lazy to go out for jogging :P
Minight I didnot tried.My mum will kill me.I'll give it a try if I can sneak out or if I'm alone .. :P

After this 3 months experiment I came out more confident and comfortable.. I was able to undo many of the things which were never reall taught but somehow got embedded in me and in other girls..But I cant generalise.Please let me know if u girls or boys who know their spouse,friends,relatives behave like I behaved earlier.

I'm really thankful to Blanknoise for taking up this initiative..Kudos to u.. :)

I request you all out there to please make this sexually repressive society come out of this dogma of sexuality.

53 comments:

ani_aset said...

Hey clap clap...good job preposterous...I didn know you were following blanknoise too...good..i support the initiative..only i haven't been able to contribute much though :(

YUVA said...

hey thats a wonderful topic. Sometimes i feel guilty for staring at women for more than the average time, cant stop it. its kind of an habit. Understand girls problems in having a guy around who is staring like hell, but cant give up either.

Sumit said...

Hey smillinggal

First of all hats off to u...To do all above mentioned activites (If u really had:P)..Secondly while reading ur blog there were whole lot of pictures coming in my mind like .....boys teasing a single gal going on road etc etc. You know these type of activites in National capital is a matter of shame and especially for us (Boys). I really admire your thoughts.

I wish if we (male section) can ever understand this pain and can feel girl's insecurity.

Kudos smillinggal u rock :)

Vinay said...

applause!!! for your wonderful guide on improving women's confidence.

Mumbai though, is much safer when compared to Delhi. Nevertheless, it is good for anybody to be confident about themselves.

ashkd said...
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usha said...

im a first timer, here..
but girl! i'm so with you on this! :)

blanknoise zinabad, as always!

for #3, my refuge was my helmet. I'm learning to live w/o it now.

#4: actually gives you more confidence. man or woman.

#6 n #7: i dont look down but i dont look at anyone either. I look up, but I look through people, as if they dont exist.

#11: is a great tactic to keep anyone at an arms distance. people dont come closer. i do this. and i think more girls should do this.

#15: ive found this easier to do when you have a helmet. teehee.

ciao! :)

preposterous girl said...

@ Aniruddha..
Yeah I do follow Blanknoise..And this is the frist contribution if it can be said so.. This experimnet or rather challenge really helped me..
Thanx 4 the apllause ;)

preposterous girl said...

Hi YUVA..
First of all welcome and thanks for following my blog..
See u have to first be the change then only u can advocate that..Start it from today..Just looking at a sweet chic is ok, even girls do that.. But the prob arises when men start staring and it becomes uncomfortable then..They make us feel almost naked..And mind u I'm not exaggerating.U can confirm this from any of ur female friends, spouse, mom, sister.. Every one has a story to tell..
I request u please give it a try..And visit blanknoise.org

Keep coming back :) will check ur blog soon..

preposterous girl said...

Hi Sumit..
Thanks yaar.. Its really nice to see so many boys atleast feel what we girls go through daily in full public view.
And Yeah I've done all of that whatever I've written..

preposterous girl said...

Hi Vinay..
Yeah I've also heard that Mumbai is much safer.I wonder what they teach the male species there that go unheard here in North India..

preposterous girl said...

Hi Ashwini..
I knw that u'll take time..After all v r similar so this habit of late commenting ought to be similar .. :P

preposterous girl said...

Hi Usha..
Welcome to the blog girl..yeah longlive Blanknoise..
Oh yeah helmet can be an alternative..but I dont drive, so no helmet ..
Yup more than anything else it gave me confidence..
Keep coming back :)

- Sugar Cube - said...

Whoa..you really tried all that ? I never notice what I do when I walk..lol..I mean am never so conscious of my walk unless some moron shamelessly stares & then passes remarks with his half-wit folks.
But even then I focus on my walk & destination.I take my cell phone out , ring the customer care & till the call is recd..keep blabbering somethg to keep myself busy :P lol Or just fake a call as if am talking to a friend ;))
Though am not too sure what its going to be like w/o a cell phone or a bag :S
Cell phone just makes you feel a lot protective!

I've read so many times of Delhi being a not so safe place but perverts are everywhere.
Keep pepper spray in bag..always :P
And the best is to not pay attention to these kind of people. It spoils my mood if any of them chuckle filthyly when there;s an eye contact. So atleast not looking at them works for me.

Walk safe..walk free :)

preposterous girl said...

Hi Sugar cube..
Yeah I did tried all of it..And me too never gave attention that my posture changes in a crowded place, that I pretend calls to avoid unwanted male attention, that more than its primary function of carrying things I was using bag for hiding myself..
The whole challenge was taken to move freely..Without giving a damn to the vultures sitting onthe roads..
I suggest u to go through blanknoise.org

Archana said...

Interesting list, though I have to say I've never really paid attention to any of the above simply because I actually do a lot of those things naturally. A large part of it has to do with the fact that I do not live in a society where there's a mass number of sexually frustrated individuals milling around - - I always feel uncomfortable with the number of wandering eyes in India! But then again, if you are a 100% confident with yourself and have no issues doing, wearing and saying what you want (as long as it's appropriate), then all of these issues will fall on the side line.

I definitely give two thumbs up to the maintaining eye contact with the world around you, it's no good walking around with a lousy posture and shifty eyes. Those are the people that usually fall prey/victim to the sleazes & creeps.

I'm glad you did this run through of steps & that you are walking out of this a lot more confident! Trust me, it makes a world of a difference. :) And I have to say, the confidence & eye contact does make it that much more fascinating when the cute guys walk past, hehe. But like you rightly pointed out, only in India do we have to avert our eyes because you never know when some man decides he has a bladder emergency!

preposterous girl said...

Hi Archana..
Great yaar.. u r away from these monsters here in Delhi :\

Dhiman said...

Thats really brave Challenge PG specially in a city like Delhi...
I remember in college one of friends "opened" my eyes by asking me 'follow' I mean trail an attractive or 'asking for it' woman but watch the people coming from the opposite side and Gosh I was startled at the way people(men) 'stare' and the reaction they have on their faces and ever since I've become conscious about how to 'look up' at women on the road....
I hope you continue your 'confident' steps ahead... All the Best :)

sm said...

very daring to try

rads said...

That's a superb post..here in US ppl are free to do whatever they want with gender difference not bothering them the least...and Indian girls who are not used to girls walking half naked stare at them as if they were seeing something ghastly...but I so wish we were not like that...God knows when the country is gonna change...u know I actually have a separate set of clothes for US...what I wear here, I can never wear them in India.

ashkd said...
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preposterous girl said...

Hi Dhiman..
Wow..I'm proud of u that u consciously tried to not to stare at women to such an extent that they become uncomfortable..
May ur tribe grow!! spread this message among ur male -friends.. :)

preposterous girl said...

Hi SM..
Thanks.. :-D

preposterous girl said...

Hi Rads..
oh really !! even giels do that.. I dint had a clue aboyt this..May be this staring business is deep rooted within us.

preposterous girl said...

Hi Aswini..
Wow 2 comments within 24 hrs.. Some energy drink, eh?? Reveal the secret yaar!! :P

1.Thanx 4 pointing that out.Rectified that..But that was coz I typed the post on 17th itself and saved in drafts,,thats y..
2.Yup Archana was right.I used to this in other areas but now can fully put it to use with eave-teasers as well..
It was not as if I was underconfident or something, But somewhere down the line I was unconsciously evading the stare. I almost on reflex turned my face away ..But thanks to blanknoise that I got hold of these minor things..
3.Taekwondo pingu par sikhaoge?? yeah kanpur to delhi daily up-down??
Just 4 me!! :P
4.Hmm rightly pointed out..This one is the most difficult part even in normal day to day life..
5.Oh u wear hats?? I didnt knew ;) haha
Thanks.. :)
6.Tumse sikh rahi hu..raaz bata do aur bhi jaldi aayenge replies.. :P

yup lets catchup soon.. hope this weekend.. :)
Ok ji waiting for ur detailed comment.. :-)

Chiranjib said...

Superb post, girl!
I know I know we have a very stupid male dominated society - till date. And there are men, for whom, women are nothing more than objects of lust! ...where actually there are no differences at all, apart from the physical make up. And you know what, whenever in trouble, look straight in the eyes. 99% of the time, it works, coz lecherous guys are not accustomed to a 'stare back' from Indian women. In a lift, in a basement, anywhere... if you find some guy oggling at you, just stare back at them. Until and unless the person is an established criminal, he won't proceed! But one thing for sure, share these points with as many girls as you possibly can. [Blog is a great platform] Most need it! And yes, thanks! Probably you gave me some idea about my next post! :D

preposterous girl said...

Hi Chiranjib..
Yeah u r right.. I posted the results here so that I can share it with as many famales as well as males.. Males coz ,U guys can also spread the word amonf ur female aquaintances, friends, relatives , spouses etc..
Hmm. stare back is quite an efective strategy. Tried myself as well as I can see 4m all the comments also..
And I'm looking forward to ur new post..It will be gr8 to see a male's perspective, that is if u r gng to blog on the same topic..
Keep blogging :-)

ashkd said...
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ashkd said...
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ashkd said...
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preposterous girl said...

HI Ashwini..
I think when u commented I was online on pingu..
Anyways want to have a detailed discussion on this reply coz I have some conflicts in my personality....Like u mentioned the 'strategies " people adopt..Want to talk abt that..Coz in general I'm a confident person..I speak publically, I have no stage fright, can talk with eye contact to anyone, infact I'm the cultural representative of my college..
But during these 3 months I noticed that these changes or strategies are for that time till I'm on road or in bus etc..
Lets see when we can have our c(h)atty session .. hehe..

Yeah I think on indiblogger I read that we should mention the source of the image..Though I should have mentioned the exact site, but I downloaded this sometime back .. so dnt remember the site now..hence internet ;)

Achha achha.. pehle wallet mein pic rakhke flirting..aur jab kaam ki baat aayi to charges.. not done.. :P lol

ashkd said...
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preposterous girl said...

Ashwini..
okie then lets see then ki kab v can talk..
The pic u hav , get that xeroxed :P

ajcl said...

hey PG.. got here from Rads.. nice and interesting write up.. having faced all of what u have mentioned above, i actually realised I was (not) unconciously practicing points 4, 6 and 8.. makes sense and i do want to try these..when im in india

preposterous girl said...

Hi ajcl..
Welcome to my blog and thanx 4 appreciating the post.. Hope to see u again.. :-)

Prasant Naidu. said...

Well i won't comment what boys should do and vice verse. Truth remains with us but saying that i won't snatch ur credit. U have the GUTS mam....keep that attitude and u will be way ahead in every aspect.

Keep rocking,
Prasant.

preposterous girl said...

Hi Prashant..
Thanks Thanks.. :-)

Fantasies of a Lifetime said...

awesome , Atta girl , I have never hummed a song while I walk , You have inspired me to do that soon :D :D . .

indyeahforever said...

*applause*
LOVED this post!!Absolutely loved it!!

here via Chiranjib's post:)

you go girl!!
I am proud of you :))will link this later:))is that okay?:)

preposterous girl said...

Hi Fantasies of a lifetime..
welcome to my blog.. :)
I always wanted to hum, but never did coz it might look like "I'm asking for it"
But after doing the above steps.. I can do this ..
its really great to knw that I've inspired u,, but the truth is that these are inherent in everybody, it has just got duted due these handful of lecherous men..We just have to keep our spirits high and we will Rock!!

preposterous girl said...

Hi Inyeah forever..
Thanx. Bowing down to ur applause.. :)
yeah sure u can link me..no probs..
And do come back .. :-D

nishchaya said...

Wow!! looks like "Naari sashaktikaran" (Women empowerment for Hindi challenged ;-) ) is on a full swing. That was very well written.

This made me recollect a proverb - "Pride, dignity would belong to women if only men would leave them alone".

Didn't have an idea that a girl in Delhi has to consider so many factors while going out. I am poking my nose here and would like to give you an unwanted suggestion:
"Feel proud in the way you carry yourself and if your conscience is clear, please don't give a shit to onlookers. They would always be there till eternity".

preposterous girl said...

Hi Nishchaya..
Poking nose.. na na not at all yaar..
This comments section is for u guys.. U can wirte whatever u feel like..
And ur suggestion is more than welcome.. I hope my conscience is clear while walking on road atleast ;)

Kokonad said...

Excellent post, PrepGirl! This should do the rounds in forwards etc. It obviously has MUCH MORE meaning that just the mockery! :)

Archana said...

True, Singapore is pretty clear of these kindsa things. But I do sense it when I come visit India, but I thought it was starting to get better - with less staring & discomfort. But I guess not. Ick.

Psst, I started a new blog (http://deliciouslysunsational.blogspot.com). I think you'll like it. :)

oRange said...

wow!
im gonna try this ..starting tomorrow

thanks for putting it up :)

preposterous girl said...

Hi Koke..
Thanx 4 appreciating this initiative..Though I started it for myself only, but after experiencing the results I also want more and more girls to undergo the transformation..

preposterous girl said...

Hi Archana..
Wil surely visit ur new blog.. :-)

preposterous girl said...

Hi oRange
WOOOOOOOooow!!!!!!! I'm on cloud9.. I mean I'm so hapy that u r also gng to try it.. Best of luck.. Do share ur results here.. I cant visit ur blog..U have limited its access.. So pls come back and tell us her abt ur experience.. :-)

oRange said...

my blog?
dude, i dont have a blog

too lazy to start one!
kudos to u guys who manage it so well ..really!

preposterous girl said...

Oh.. Actua;;y when i clicked on ur profile it said its accessible only to invited people..I thought u must be having a blog, thats y u have protected it..
Anyways keep coming back.. :-)

All Talk and No Action said...

great post and commendable that you actually tried t out for 3 months !

preposterous girl said...

Hi Mukta..
Thanks for liking it and dropping by here .. :) Do come back .. :)

vipin khurana said...

Though m late for comments but still a polite applause for you .......

Vipin juvy