Stage!

I'm terribily missing the spotlight on me , the cheers , the costumes , the hustle-bustle just about five minutes before stepping on , the make-up , that cardboard cut out room , that dholak.. I wish those days come back again..

There is something strong , something out of this world happens when you step up there, when your audience stops their part of the world just to see you perform..
It gives you jitters when they break into an applause , a silly joke gives a round of laughter ...

You can be a politician at the age of twelve when you don't know who the ruling party is..

You can be a village girl romancing a boy when you don't know there is something beyond friendship..

You can be a school girl at the age of 24..

You can be a girl who regains her virginity (yeah seriously . I've played this character.. :P ) ;-)

School days were so much fun.. those endless practice sessions of poetry recitation , that n-th times rehearsed debates...

missing all of that..

Infact so terribbly missing that i'm trying to format this post for about a week but still not able to do that.. so finally I'm posting it like i've it in my drafts with some random pics..

Pardon the poor picture quality coz I've clicked pics of the pics.. :P
will add some more later.. school album missing as murphy uncle never leaves me alone.. :D

Sometimes its love.. not crush.. but still one sided love

He said he wanted to kill me.. I was not surprised.. I had known it for years.. But this time he came with a knife.. A big black butcher's knife..

I imagined a dead me.. The usually coiled intestine lying uncoiled.. He is splattering the blood.. Looking dirty.. unshaven.. parched lips.. neck glistening with perspiration.. Smelling of his masculinity.. Exactly like in those moments of love making.. A fetish for my stomach.. Everything I imagined turned me on.. but he was here to kill me..

Should I kiss him?? He looks irresistible sometimes.. Today was one of those days..

His eternal masculinity , that towering presence.. everything was creating a "Sorry presence" .. Was he crying?? For me?? He possesses me.. Then why this wail..

I kept staring.. His eyes said You never surrender..

His face said I love you thats reason enough to kill you.. And I'm man enough to kill you..

The convulsion of love, jealousy can KILL YOU! You know it sometimes exudes poison..

I was a bottle of wine he would say.. Drink me , dry me and then keep the bottle to show-off..
For me he was solid.. How can I drink.. :(
I clutched my own hands.. face in my bosom.. wailing like a child.. I always think of electrifying ideas to "create a sense of surrender"..

I don't know why he chose a black knife.. his colour was always blue..
Strange!
Strange why he would kill me with knife.. He could poison me..

I questioned him and before that I got the answer in his masculinity.. He is MALE after all.. He can't kill me in cowardly ways.. He has to face IT.. face ME..

Will he take out my heart to feel it..?? After all he once "loved" it.. Will he cry for me.. ??

He said lets go out.. we sat at our favourite place.. Loneliness was what he loved.. Of-course after you he always said..
He was talking.. I was looking into his eyes.. I overheard his last phrase "You were never mine.. I kept looking for you"..

That night he slept humming a song.. A beautiful romantic one..
In the morning he gave me a hug.. I was averse...

He started pacing the room up and down.. I knew this is the "Attack of love".. I kissed him and he was normal.. He came to me and shouted "I'm killing you right now.."
I was thinking where would he pierce first.. How fast would the blood gush out..
Some drops will splatter on his lower lip.. His lips are always parched.. Will he lick it?? Can he feel my smell in that?? Will he cry?? Will he then understand what is love??

I opened my eyes.. His petrified eyes struck me.. I held him.. took his face to my bosom.. He was crying.. This was THE MOMENT for me..

I was ecstatic..

Blood was on my lower lip. I licked it and he was saying "This is surrender"

Papa wants to cut my tongue! :(

Yeah you read it right!! My Papa wants to cut my tongue.. No its not any saying,idiom , adage , legend or anything even remotely related to that.. He really means it.. literally.. :(

All hell broke loose when I woke up this morning and my Papa all of a sudden announced that you are going to the see the doc today itself to get your tongue cut..
Listening to him, I thought may be I'm still sleepy but noooo.. IT WAS HARSH REALITY..!!

Papa wants to cut my tongue..

Probable reasons:
1. I speak too much by his standards. :D :D
2. I don't clean my tongue properly.. :P
3. I'm getting fatter day by day 'coz of love for food.. ;)

You must be thinking these cant be reasons to cut the only tongue of your one and only but very difficult daughter ;-)

Well you are right.. There are some better reasons..

1. To decrease my dependency on tongue wagging smileys and be able to wag tongue
myself.
I'm one of those unfortunate kids who could never tease other children by showing
my tongue.. :( Poor me.. ;(

2. To be able to pick out that spinach in my teeth without using tooth pick.. ;-)

3. This is an interesting one -->> Participate equally in tongue-involved french
kiss :P



4. Increase the general mobility of my tongue.. So that I can lick ice-cream..and
not eat it :D :D


Well, Its sad but true.. I'm tongue-tied. Take it literally again..

Underside of my tongue is attached to the floor of my mouth.. Don't imagine.. Look at the pic.. You'll get the feel of it.. ;-)



(Image Source : www.ghorayeb.com/)

So I see it this way :Its like the floor of my mouth loves my tongue so much that it doesn't let it go out or meet other tongue of opposite sex.. And to attract my tongue.. you know what my mouth does?! Whenever my tongue tries to sneak out by wagging, it reshapes my tongue into a beautiful W-shape unlike other tongues which make a 'U'.. My tongue likes that 'W' so much that it quickly goes inside and gives a big hug to my mouth :D :D
You again didn't get it.. Right?? OK refer to the pics :D





<<--My tongue


Your Tongue -->>





(image source :internet )
I know its weird but I think a little weird sometimes.. :D :D

And now the reality of it. This condition is known as Ankyloglossia medically and its a birth defect.
I visited Dentist today and he said I can get it cut under the effect of anaesthesia and then I can wag tongue.. :P

But I've opted out of this option.. I don't want to end the love affair of my tongue and my mouth.. :D :D

And my Papa loves me.. :D :D

P.S. : Sorry if u read it complete and it didn't make any sense to you.. I can perfectly understand. You are not the only one.. :D :D

Trying To Blog!

Hello readers..
He He.. :D Ok Ok .. I know there aren't many readers , Barring one whom I force to read my stuff by torturing through text messages.. :P {And you better say that "I want to read..you don't force.." };-)
So coming back to the topic.. I was occupied by some random soul who made me a bit insane.. That soul captured me .. made me sad.. made me a depressed child.. :|
But now I'm back.. And I don't know for how long but right now I feel like flying.. My final year result is out and .. No.. I didn't come out with flying colors but yes I scored decent presentable marks.. :D

Though I have a lot to catch up with other important things right now and I shouldn't be blogging but I just cant stop myself today.. :-) I am HAPPYYYYYY :-)

But Where Was I : Well , I was a little engrossed that too out of no reason.. :D :D Anyways these days I have finally figured out that I'm the most confused soul present on our Mother Earth ..And here I was thinking for 25 whole years of my existence that I'm so logical, so clear in my thoughts , so neatly marked out , so.... hmmm... I can go on and on with adjectives for me .. Yes I am self-obsessed..But not like always-in-front-of-mirror types.. 'coz I've some kind of enmity with mirrors..

The more I look into mirror , more fat n ugly I look.. All Murphy's law just wait in nooks and corners of my home to blast out the minute I'm in front of my mirror..



Oh did I tell you once a professor in his introductory class was staring continuously and then in between the lecture he said..
Prof : Lady, Can you please get up..
Me : Yes Sir.. (Getting up all puzzled with a perfectly plastered smile on my face ..and Trust me I didn't do anything.. I was not even reading novel that day..)
Prof : Why is your hair so messed up??
Me : Sir.. umm.. Sir..
Prof : Is that just-out-of-the-bed-look you are carrying. You better get your hair chopped if you cant manage...

It was so embarrassing.. :( Its not like I don't manage my hair, but my hair , I don't know, of what texture they are of.. The minute I step under a fan they just leave all the discipline I impose on them to be inside that hair clip..

After that class I always sat on the last chair so that no trace of Fan- air can reach there :P But as they first impression is the last impression. That Proff gave me barely passing marks in Internal Assessment.. :/

Ok now enough of rant.. I'll try to come back again soon.. Bye for now..

P.S. Did I tell you I visited Agra... And let me reveal a secret " Taj Mahal is beautiful " :P



P.P.S Pardon any typos.. Was in a hurry.. :-)

"Kuchh to likhna hai" Post :P

I'm here after a long long time.. There was so much to write still there was nothing..
I know.. It happens...

Anyway.. I desperately wanted to write something today, but no topic.. :P
So I opened my draft folder and I found two tags lying there. So I'm picking this one to satisfy my "writing-urge" :D

I'm really sorry I have completely forgotten that from which blog I have picked this one!! so nothing to tag.. :(

Here is the tag.. I'm striking out the ones which I've done.. :-)

Graduated high school.
yeah of course.. its like ages back.. :D

Kissed someone.
Ahem.. yes..

Smoked a cigarette.

Got so drunk you passed out.
Alas.. no.. :(

Rode every ride at an amusement park.
YES YES YES :D :D And it was fun.. and you know what.. the park was for us and only us.. I mean we directed the people there to put which ride on for us.. :D ANd trust me it was amusing... After all it was amusement park.. :)


Collected something stupid.
Umm.. if eclairs wrapper can be counted as a stupid thing.. :)


Gone to a rock concert.

Helped someone.

Gone fishing.

Watched four movies in one night.
yup!! i was alone at home.. :D

Lied to someone.
:(

Snorted cocaine.

Smoked weed.

Failed a subject.
heheheh yes.. :D

Been in a car accident.

Been in a tornado.

Watched someone die.

Been to a funeral.

Burned yourself.
It means accidently right?? yes i have.. not once or twice.. but thrice!! :D

Run a marathon.
I mean I participated.. reached the venue and then even ran for 5 minutes then ..... went on to shop in a nearby market.. :P

Cried yourself to sleep.
Oh many many times.. Its almost my hobby.. ;-)

Spent over 10,000 bucks in one day.
Nahh.. 10k is too much.. :)

Flown on an aeroplane.

Cheated on someone.
Yes.. ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( I'M SORRY!

Been cheated on.

Written a 10 page letter.
Oh many times.. :D

Gone skiing.

Been sailing.

Cut yourself.
hehehhe.. you know what.. I once stapled my index finger.. :P actually I was checking if it can staple a finger.. :D :D

Had a best friend.

Lost someone you loved.

Got into trouble for something you didnt do
Yes every time i fall into trouble..Mujhe to yahi lagta hai that its not my fault.. :P

Stolen a book from the library.
I mean not exactly stolen.. but I did try to hide some books into other shelf so that other students cant borrow it.. :P I know.. very bad.. :P But that was way back in school..

Gone to a different country.

Watched the Harry Potter movies.
Not movies but movie.. And I almost slept through it.. Harry potter is not my cup of tea.. :-/

Had an online diary.
You are reading it!

Fired a gun.
that diwali gun I mean.. :D :D

Gambled in a casino.

Been in a school play.

Been fired from a job.

Taken a lie detector test.

Swam with dolphins.

Voted for someone on a reality TVshow.
YES !! Proudly for Abhijit Sawant (Indian Idol) and Alina Wadiwala (Big Boss).. :D

Written poetry.
Hmmm..

Read more than 20 books a year.
Only if you include course books as well..

Gone to Europe.

Loved someone you shouldn't have.
oh yes.. And I'm still regretting it!! He has made my life hell.. :-/

Used a coloring book over age 12.
Iska kya matlab hai!!

Had a surgery.

Had stitches.

Taken a Taxi.

Had more than 5 IM conversations going on at once.

Been in a fist fight.

Suffered any form of abuse.
:(

Had a pet.

Petted a wild animal.

Had your own credit card & bought something with it.

Dyed your hair.

Got a tattoo.

Had something pierced.

Got straight As.
hain?? matlab??

Known someone personally with HIV or AIDS.

Taken pictures with a webcam.

Lost something expensive.

Gone to sleep with music on.

I hope this post lets me open up once again.. and I can regularly update my blog..
till then.. Cya.. :-)



P.S. I just love this pic.. :-)

One love is all she needs.. :(

Hold it.. No.. Breathe.. Deep breaths.. More deeper..

Her hands with overgrown full of dirt n filth nails.. With shiny metallic fingers..These hands into her womb.. Pulled that beautiful thing out..

In blood..she looked beautiful.. She kissed her..

Now a grown up girl..

Grown-up Girl?? Now how do u segregate a grown up from a kiddo girl??
Hmm.. Well when only some people try to touch..Then a kiddo..
When most of them want to fondle.. A Grown-Up..
pretty simple..Right!!

People said they haven't seen a girl like her..She was free flowing..She was spontaneous..She was LIFE..

After that day .. :( :( inferiority complex setting in..gripping her.. strangulating her.. killing her..

She wants to be loved.. To be felt..To be cared for..

But she knows.. Knows that she is just not destined to be loved..she is too bad to be loved..she just doesn't deserves to be loved..
Even if someone loves her..She knows eventually he WILL leave her..Alone..
The Verdict : She is not programmed to be loved..

She'll die.. a lonely death..

Her only wish is to prove herself wrong. She really really wish to be loved..
The Reason : That day!! Not obsessed with love..but That Day!!

And She Flew Away..

She tried to navigate a little. He completely overpowered her. She can feel his warm breath , he tried to fondle with her breasts. She wanted to kiss the world , he wanted to kiss everyone , everyone which may or may not include her..

Who was "she" , who was "he". She has no identity , maybe she is faceless , No maybe she just want to hide her face.. But why . He never does this..

So?? So what.. This is a male-centric world..You can not expect She to be up above "he" ..
Ah you said missionary position.. Nah.you better get your facts right.. Some "he-s" have problem in that as well..

Ok PEACE.. Tell me something..
Did she idealised anyone??

Ummm.. No.. Not exactly.. But yes.. "He always wanted her to epitomise Meera.. And she did try..
Tried for 6 years..
Tried for 6 long years..
Tried for 6 long imprisoned years..
Tried for 6 long imprisoned prtended-love years..

Meera.. woman who loved his man to the point of worshipping..Never expected anything in return.. Saint Meera..
Saint "She"

He loved Saint "She"
He wanted to be Krishna -the God..

He wants to hit She and then kiss her..
He likes to see She suffocating..
He likes to see She take control of TV Remote..Just TV remote..
TV Remote..
Coz she is fit for that only!!!!

But SHE just wants to break free.. Fly Away..
This time she flew away..

But I have heard they are conspiring.. conspiring to strangulate her..abuse her..

He once said while ziping up ... You are nothing but a piece of shit..
F*#k Off!!

This Time Its NUMERICALLY ;-)

So people I'm up again with a tag.. These tags help me know myself better..
Let me first start with updating you people.I was busy with my exams..Although thats a different issue how much time I actually spent on studying for the exams..As I firmly believe in burning the mid-night oil just the night before the exams..
Thanks Thanks.. I know you all are thinking..how much I think about the oil crisis my Earth-mates (is it a self-coined word ?!? ) are facing .. Lol

And now as the exams are over.. so I'm here again to put ur grey cells on some task of finding (if any) anything relevant in my blog.. :P

Now about the tag.. I was tagged by Rads a long time back.. So here are my replies..

Four places I have lived:
Only two.. :( And in Delhi also I'm living at the same place.. :(
I sincerely hope life takes me somewhere else.. :)

Four T.V shows that I love(d) to watch:
-Mitti ke Rang
-Star Best sellers
-Potli wala baba
-Byomkesh Bakshi

U guessed it right..I'm a diehard doordarshan fan..But mind u ..Old ones. :-)


Four places that I have been on vacation:
I have only been to my hometown on vacation.. :(

Four of my favorite food items:
As u all must have guessed by my last post that I relish every edible vegetarian item.. So I 'll take this opportunity to mention some items which I saw on someone's tag...
-Bhindi
-Chane ki daal
-Rasgulle (not rasgulla coz I want many of it.. ;-p )
-Paav Bhaji

Websites that I visit daily:
-Gmail
-Twitter
-Google home page

Four places I would rather be:
Cant really say..As u know by now..I havent been to much places...


Four things I hope to do before I die:
1. I'm sorry I cant mention that here..
2. Marry a sensible and eternally romantic person.. (which I seriously think I won't.. :( Kind of gut feeling..Nothing like i hate men!! :P )
3. Form a theatre company
4. Explore world theatre


Four novels I wish I was reading for the first time:
I didnt get the question.. I'm writting the novels which i really really like..
-God of small things
-The Fountainhead
-Atlas Shrugged
-Human Bondage

Four movies that I can watch over and over again:
There are so many.. Writting whichever comes to my mind 1st..
-Socha na tha
-Vijeta
-Pushpak
-Jab We Met

People I believe will respond to this tag:

-Adesh Sidhu
-Sumit

PG Unleashed Alphabetically ;)

Hey I'm Back.. :) Though exams still going on , but I was missing my blog and even after trying very hard I was unable to concentrate in books.
So I thought lemme scribble a little and then revert back to books..
Then it occurred to me that I have 2-3 tags pending which some of the beloved blogger friends tagged me with..

So, I was tagged by someone a few days back.. Its an alphabetical tag as in there are 26 questions in alphabetical order.

So here goes the rules.

1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share the ABCs of you.
4. Tag 3 people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let the 3 tagged people know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on
their website.
6. Do not tag the same person repeatedly but try to tag different people, so that there
is a big network of bloggers doing this tag.

Here's my life presented to u in an alaphabetical form!! :)

1. A – Available/Single?
Single!!
2. B – Best friend?
Umm.. best friend ..I have good friends but not best friends.. :(
But you know what , now I have one and that is Ashkd :)
3. C – Cake or Pie?
Oops!! I thought pie is a piece of cake!! Pardon my ignorance :P
4. D – Drink of choice?
Lemonade / nimbupani and lassi as well.
5. E – Essential item you use every day?
Tooth brush, clothes , soap , computer :P
6. F – Favorite color?
Blue
7. G – Gummy Bears Or Worms?
You mean that jelly like candy?? I dont like either of these , then :(
8. H – Hometown?
Siwan, Bihar
9. I – Indulgence?
Food. A big time foodie. :) :D
10. J – January or February?
January.. New year gives you opportunities to atleast think good ;)
11. K – Kids & their names?
Never thought of names :( Is it necessary.Do they throw out of the country for not
doing this ;)
12. L – Life is incomplete without?
PJs and Smiles :)
13. M – Marriage date?
Find me a guy first!! huh!
14. N – Number of siblings?
One :)
15. O – Oranges or Apples?
Oranges.. more so coz its peel when squeezed releases a juice and causes a lil
irritation in eyes.I love doing that to people :P ;)
16. P – Phobias/Fears?
I'm yet to experience any phobia.. Fear.. umm.. maybe I'm Godfearing..
17. Q – Quote for today?
Eat Drink and Be merry!! :D :D
18. R – Reason to smile?
I always smile.I dont need reason for that.How I wish I had the pictureperfect
smiling-face so that my facial muscles wont have worked so much.. Poor me!! :(
19. S – Season?
Rainy season!! :D :D Please God , if u r reading this, give me some
heavy downpour..please please!! :)
20. T – Tag 3 People?
Patience child! :)
21. U – Unknown fact about me?
I sing really well.. But no one acknowledges that :) :P
22. V – Vegetable you don't like?
Pumpkin (sorry kaddu! :P )
23. W – Worst habit?
I dont ask for explanantions in relations.Maybe I should discuss a little more.
Ah forget it!! I think I'm flawless :P
24. X – X-rays you've had?
Cervical spine (I mean the neck region)
25. Y – Your favorite food?
list is endless but still I'l try - Aaloo parwal, kathal/jack fruit (specially the seed
part), kadhi , Dosa ,uttapam , biryani , bharwa karele , curd , dam aaloo , kadhai
paneer.. oh !! I cant write more.. Literally drooling! :P
26. Z – Zodiac sign?
Saggitarius :)

EXAMS :(

Hello Friends..
Off late I have not visited any of your blogs nor have I commented on any of it.Coz I'm having exams.These exams even didn't let me go to the blogger meet organized by Kaddu in Delhi :( I so wanted to be a part of that.But.. !!
Anyways these draconian things are going to continue till mid of August.After that I'll be back with a bang!!
Till then miss me ;) :P
Cheers..

Yay! Yay! Got an award!!

As you all know there is no limit for me to go to cloud nine.I try to go there on every possible occassion like when someone says nice display picture , when some stupid survey shows I'm a balanced girl (somewhere inside I know that I have cheated but still) , when someone complements me on my handwritting (there also I know that they are doing just to get there work done , but u know me! ) and so on and so forth!
But this time I have got a real reson to climb atop. You must have guessed it by the pic. So get it from the Horse's Mouth as well - I have been awarded the "International Bloggers' Community Award" by my darling Rads.. There are some rules to follow and I have to tag some bloggers as well. this one is a little tough.But dont you woory people.. I'm a toughie myself!

Ah ..Thanks thanks for the applause :D

First the rules (the unbreakable variety we are using, so please dont waste your precious energy trying that :P )

* Link the person who tagged you
* Copy the image above, the rules and the questionnaire in this post(the easiest part ;)
* Post this in one or all of your blogs
* Answer the four questions following these Rules
* Recruit at least seven (7) friends on your Blog Roll by sharing this with them
* Come back to BLoGGiSTa iNFo CoRNeR (PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE THIS LINK) at http://bloggistame.blogspot.com/ and leave the URL of your Post in order for you/your Blog to be added to the Master List
* Have Fun! (this one is a necessity! )

Here comes the replies..

# The person who tagged you: Rads
# His/her site's title and url: some info on stuff you might like... @http://rads-blogazine.blogspot.com/
# Date when you were tagged: July 8, 2009
# Persons you tagged: Here are my nominations.. (people be ready with the acceptance speech :P )

Rads
Ashwini Dixit
Adesh Sidhu
Chiranjib Majumdar
Prashant Naidu
Kaddu
Vinay
Sugar Cube
Rachit
Archana
Kokonad
Sumit Sharma
Mutthu

Know ME!!

I had nothing to do this whole afternoon, so I was going through archives of my blogger-friends for the sole reason to find some post ,so that I can tag myself to it.. lol :P
So I got this post on Ashkd's blog..
Though there were 2-3 questions which I can not reply, but sill.. Lets see how I fare!! :D


LAST TIMES…
1. Last beverage: Coke
2. Last phone call: Umm.. lemme check.. It was from Sanjukta (a friend)
3. Last text message: from way2sms to update my profile :P
4. Last song you listened to: "UP wala thumka lagau ki Hero jaise nach ke dikhau " arey sach mein..I listened this one only.. ;) All thanks to Ashwini .. :P
5. Last time you cried: Last week

HAVE YOU EVER...

6. Dated someone twice: Nah.. Never.. But must be a world class experience.. What say!! :P
7. Been cheated on? : Yeah *very sad* :(
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? NOooooooooo.. I rarely regret doing anything.. :)
9. Lost someone special? Fortunately no
10. Been depressed? Nope.. Yeah Yeah .. 2-3 months back.. I was being stupid..But thats ok.. We all have our childish moments :) No regrets..
11. Been drunk and threw up? I sincerely wish to do it once just for the sake of experience.. :P But as of now I'm a non-alcoholic, vegetearian , seedhi -sadhi ladki ;)

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Blue
13. White
14. Green
15. Black

FIRSTS :

16. Made new friends: Not really.. Actually not really been to anywhere apart from school,college, work.. So can't say.. Abhi duniya nahi dekhi.. :)
17. Fallen out of love: Same as Ashwini replied.. As the million dollar question here is that , whether that was Love or not!!
18. Laughed until you cried: Oh many many times.. I laugh a lot.. Specially on my own PJs (Poor Jokes)
19. Met someone who changed you: I believe we imbibe something or the other from everyone we meet , talk , befriend..
20. Found out who your true friends were: Huh!! That situation will be scary..
21. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah.. She was saying. "How can she wear this to college" Actually I wore different colored kurta, salwar and dupatta.. I'm one of those miniscule proportion of girls who don't spend more than 2 minutes in front of the mirror or on matching their clothes.. :(

HAVE YOU:

22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: I have not met anyone of you, except one.. :)
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Already answered that..!!
24. How many kids do you want to have: I think one.. But I think husband will also have a say in this one, atleast :P
25. Do you have any pets: NOO.. Although, I would love to have a dog !
26. Do you want to change your name: Yeahhhhhhh.. Sure sure.. Like most of the people I also love unusual names.. ;)
27. What did you do on your last birthday: Watched a play.. Perfect B'day it was!! Sigh! :)
28.What time did you wake up today: 6:45 am
29. What were you doing at midnight last night: Head burried into books with almost zero absorption rate :P
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for : My Final Exams..
31. Last time you saw your father: 2 days back.. :)
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Nothing at all.. I think whatever I have presently is the most perfect combination possible.. :)
What if one thing changes and then to accomodate with that, I have to change some other things.. And ultimately I'll lose myself.. na na scary thought.. !
33. Most visited web page: 24 0nlineclient / Gmail / Twitter

WHAT'S YOUR :

34. Name: Preposterous Girl (Yeah seriously.. I think I should change my real name to this one.. You know what, now wherever I see initials PG , I think its for me ) :P
35. Nicknames: PG
36. Zodiac sign: Saggitarius
37. Male or female or transgender : The fairer sex who is not so fair ;)
38. Elementary: Bluebird
39. Colleges: P.D.U.
40. Hair color: Black
41. Long or short: Shoulder length..You decide its long or short..
42. Height: 5’4”
43. Do you have a crush on someone? Yes on my love!!
44. Ever been in love? Yes..
45. Piercings? Ear..
46. Tattoos? No
47. Righty or lefty: Righty
48. First surgery: Never done nor been operated upon.. :)
49. First piercing: Ears.. told u before.. ek baar mein samajh nahi aata kya?? :P
50. First best friend: Sudha Gupta
51. First sport you loved: and still love - Antakshari if it can be termed as sport ;)
52. First pet : Never had pet :(
53. First vacation: To my nani ka ghar in Bihar
54. First concert: Spic Macay in I think Hindu College..
55. First crush: in Class 11
56. Eating: Oh I love to eat.. Big time foodie.. :)
57. Drinking: Water..
58. I'm about to: Switch off my PC.. Mom scolding.. :D
59. Listening to: My mom's bargain power.. she is nagging TV mechanic for Rs20.. :P
60. Waiting for: I think you asked that before too.. Ye questionnaire kisne banaya hai?? >:(

YOUR FUTURE

61. Want kids? Yeah sure.. BTW again a repeated question
62. Want to get married? Yeah.. Definitely
63. Careers in mind? Manager or Personal Seceratary to someone.. :P Someone, are you listening?? eh?? :P

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

64. Lips or eyes: Eyes Anytime..
65. Hugs or kisses: Can't we have best of both worlds. ;)
66. Shorter or taller: Tall..
67. Older or Younger: If he has other qualities intact, then I can compensate on this one.. :-)
68. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneity will on its own make him romantic when a lady like me will be in his arms.. Dont u think so!! :P
69. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms..
70. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive.. I'm loud.. so he should be my mellowed down version!
71. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
72. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant.. Whoever wants a trouble-maker..eh??

HAVE YOU EVER :
73. Kissed a stranger: Never!! Have you ever..Just curious!! :P
74. Lost glasses/contacts: I have a set of perfect eyes.. :) Although I would love to wear spectecales as it makes you look intellectual :P
76. Broken some one's heart: No.. Atleast not knowingly..
77. Had your own heart broken: Na..
78. Been arrested: Hehe.. Yeah while playing chor- police in childhood.. :P
79. Turned someone down: Yeah...its tough to do that..But sometimes you have no choice..
80. Cried when someone died: NO..
81. Liked a friend that is a girl?: Yeah but do u mean romantically.. No Never.. I'm Straight..

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: Ofcourse ..
82. Miracles: NO.. Yet to happen to me.. Lets see after that :)
83. God: I'm not sure..
84. Love at first sight: Never happened with me.. Attraction is fine but love!! no way..
85. Heaven: No ... I think my home is heaven, and everything out of that is Hell :)
86. Santa Claus: Yeah as long as my mom keep gifting me on the eve of Christmas. :D
87. Kiss on the first date? No.. I belong to the old school of thought..
88. Angels: Yeah.. I'm an angel..haha
89. Devils: Oh yes..Whoever are mean to me are devils..fair enough?? ;)

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

90. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes :-)
91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Never..
92. Wanted to kill someone ever? Yes :P By the way, still want to kill her.. And I'm serious
93. Among your blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? Hmm.. A toughy.. :P "Abhi to mile hain.. Kiss to door ki baat hai - KKHH " heheh I'm a big time movie freak :)
94. Committed a blunder and regretted later? Nahi..Told u I never regret.. :|
95. Wanted to steal you friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? :hehe.. No..

ASSOCIATE WITH SOMETHING YOU WEAR :

96. White: My Favourite Kurta
97. Black: Salwar
98. Red: One shirt
99. Pink: Being a girl I don't have anything Pink.. Shame on me.. :( But hey wait..Why should I be shameful. Ab pink shirt nahi hai to nahi hai..heheh :D :D
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? Yeah Yeah sure.. :D

Update (1st July'09)
Yesterday I was so exhausted replying these 100 questions , that I forgot to tag ypu guys.. If you want to help us know you better, then considr yourself tagged..

Looking forward to know you!! Cheers!

STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO UNAPOLOGETIC WALKING

(Image source :Internet)

I took up a challenge around 3 months back..And believe you me , It was a real toughy as it had to be performed in the notorious and infamous Rape Capital of India..
I didnt dared to tell this to my mum about this challenge lest she would have surely discouraged.. umm no not discouraged she would have locked me up for even just having a thought to be so adventurous..:)
Okay now enough of introduction..Lets get down to business.So I took up this challange of STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO UNAPOLOGETIC WALKING initiated by blanknoise.
I'm writting first the challenge and then its result..

1. Walk very very slowly.
To start with this step, I was a little sceptical. What if someone considers me a "lose character"?? But then after a day of constant muddling with this question I came to the conclusion- WHO CARES !! This is my city.I have full right to take a stroll, to admire its beauty by walking very very slowly..
Result : I constantly got second looks, sometimes even 3rd or 4th look.. Once the guy in the car slowed his car and gave some "signals" that I can get a lift..

2. Walk without your phone.
This was not very difficult coz anyways my phone was in service centre, so it was like out of compulsion too.But there was always this fear in the initial days that what if someone grabs me , put into the moving car then I dont have any mode of communication..
But thankfully nothing of that sort happened.I think this step was added so that we girls can walk confidently without being in touch with some friend or spouse constantly..
I declare that this step was quite easy for me to perform.. :)

3. Walk without your bag.
Phew..I didnt knew that I was unconsciously using bags to hide myself from those oggling eyes.. :o
When I walked without my big bag, I almost felt naked.. Yes naked is the word.. I used to hide myself..Maybe I was not comfortable with my body..But after 10 days without the bag, I felt confident..
I cant say this for all the girls out there, but I definitely felt better. May be I was underconfident earlier :(

4. Walk without your arms crossed or folded.
Now this was a habit and very difficult to get rid off.Standing on the bus stop when all the rickshawwalas, local uncle-jis , pani-wala , bus-conductors staring at ur breasts, what u'll do.. Crossing arms is like reflex action deep embedded in ur brains..
I'm telling u very difficult to undo this action..But finally I won over that too..but with cheating..I started wearing dupatta :P but for just two day till I got down to point 17..
After some days I succeeded without any cheats.. When someone stared ,I stared them back with the look- "Don't mess with me"

5. Walk without your sunglasses
Can't say anything about this coz I dont have sunglasses :( .This point in a way helped my wishlist to grow.Have to save money now :P
BTW I dont know y this point coz I always thought that sunglasses make u more "vulnerable" to those "vultures"

6. Walk without looking on the ground.
After I took up this challenge then I noticed many of the women use this "strategy " of looking on the ground..It was fun looking the world straight in their eyes.Many of those stares changed their directions , just by looking in the eyes :)

7. Walk looking at passersby.
This one was real fun when I had to look at the hotties ;)
On a serious note, even my friends thought what am I doing..Can,t say about its results coz I'm still not comfortable doing this + I can,t understand its rationale..

8. Walk with your shoulders back
Panic button pressed here..!! Shoulders back means.. No slumped posture means torso fully in-a-way exposed with clothes on!!But I dared and came over this too.Now I can confidently walk down any road without any adjustments in my posture :)

9. Walk with your chin a little raised.
This was almost same as No.6 .. So same results.No extra work here.

10. Walk with a smile.
:-D Tough when I'm not blessed with a smiling face :P and also a smile without any reason in our society means "I'm asking for it".. This one took me the longest to adjust..A guy even smiled back once :-D

11. Walk swinging your arms.
Swinging my arms??? How can I?? I'm always taught to walk straight without looking here and there..
Oh let me tell u one thing..While this experiment, I was thinking as to why girls don't look here and there while walking, atleast in Delhi.. I tried looking here n there..And voila!! I got the result.. coz every nook and corner, on the sides of the roads, even on the sides of the bus stops , u can see men relieving themselves relieving themselves..Girls surely don't want to have a dekko of those flashing u-know-what of men suffering from uncontollable-bladder.

12. Walk humming a song.
I love it..I love humming songs but in public places.It was a definite no-no.. I remeber once a girl was humming song in the bus and an elder cousin said "look that girl is singing".. Maybe the seed germinated there that girls should not hum in full public view or else u r again "asking for it"..
But I tried it first with i-pod on and humming along with it..Some eyes were raised.Women gave me a strange look..
Then I graduated to the next step. Humming without any support.. Few days later, I can confidently hum louder without any thoughts about "log kya kahenge"

13. Walk whistling.
Poor me :( I cant whistle.. so no results.. But this one will surely brand us Adam-teasers ;) what say girl-whistlers :P

14. Walk day dreaming.
Oh I do it all the time.And I started doing it with no.1 point, where I had to walk very slowly..

15. Walk in the middle of a pavement.
This one was tough more because here in Delhi the two-wheeler drivers prefer to drive their bikes on the footpath leaving no space for pedestrians..And the walled sides have stench of urine, so even tougher to walk there.. :)
So no pavement walking- middle or sides :(

16. Walk alone.
Difficult during sunny afternoons.I used the preventive measures which always pops-up in newspapers like walking against the traffic and using more crowded roads..I couldnot incorporate slow walking and walking alone away from my home like near college.. I felt defeated here :(

17. Walk without your duppata.
Told u earlier ..I took some time to adjust.But with other points like walking looking straight helped a lot :)

18. Walk wearing the one garment you always wanted to but did not because you someone made you feel you ar 'asking for it'
This one garment was a low-neckline top.I wore it only if some friend is picking and dropping by car..not even bike..
So I decide to wear it.. And I wore it and ended up getting lots of unwanted comments while walking down the road.But like other times, I didnt felt guilty.. :D

19. Walk alone.
I dont know y this point was repeated.May be this was done on purpose..

20. Walk at 7 am. 5 am. midnight. 3 pm. 1 pm. 9 pm.
I tried jogging at 5 and 7 a.m. it was tough and I failed..I could not jog as people were staring as in my locality girls dont jog .None at all...I'm at loss of reason for this :(
Though I admit I didnt tried that hard as I did in other points, coz I'm too lazy to go out for jogging :P
Minight I didnot tried.My mum will kill me.I'll give it a try if I can sneak out or if I'm alone .. :P

After this 3 months experiment I came out more confident and comfortable.. I was able to undo many of the things which were never reall taught but somehow got embedded in me and in other girls..But I cant generalise.Please let me know if u girls or boys who know their spouse,friends,relatives behave like I behaved earlier.

I'm really thankful to Blanknoise for taking up this initiative..Kudos to u.. :)

I request you all out there to please make this sexually repressive society come out of this dogma of sexuality.

YOUTH- a boon or a bane??

For last few days I'm a little uneasy about the double standards our society is portraying..there are 'n' number of problems we can count which needs to be addressed..But today i'm talking about the implications of being an IAS officer..
We all know that in India bearing an IAS office is of not most then deginitely much coveted job.Some students even prepare for about 3-4 years to reach to their dream position.Nothing wrong in it..
But what caught my attention to this office is something which happened to my friend ,I'm calling her Akshima (fictional name) which I want to share here..
So, it goes like this.. Akshima was in a relationship with this guy named Akshay (again name fictionalised) for about three years..Both of them are my school friends so I know them very well..He was this that geeky child, winning every possible award in school for academic excellence and other extra-curricular activities except sports.He was later even the head boy of the school.He used to head those various club meetings held in school which sow the seeds of respect towards other religion , not to discriminate on the basis of caste , creed and sex.. Once in our discussions he said that he belongs to a superior caste and how he should always strive hard to beat Nitin(fictional name) to keep the lower caste down..I was shocked..As for me he was idol of sorts. When I questioned him , he replied that all that is for being the head boy..
it disturbed me but I forgot it later... Then I lost touch with him personally.

But I was in touch with Akshima..Akshima and Akshay started dating after school.She is now working in a very reputed firm on a good post and getting a handsome pay-packet.And Akshay got himself an engineering degree from IIT-D and then prepared for UPSC..After two unsuccessful attempts he finally got himself the dream job..
So whats the catch, you must be wondering..
He broke-up with Akshima last week citing the following reasons..

1.You belong to SCHEDULED CASTE.
2.Your economic status is not as good as mine will be after i'll join the IAS OFFICE
3.You are not presentable to my colleagues..

FTW FTW

Bollocks!!

Are these kind of officers our country is appointing to serve the country who are still in the shackles of religion , caste , beauty ???

I'm not generalising but I'm just questioning the selection process..

Anyone can fool such imminent interview panel of UPSC as a dilligent candidate just by memorising same lines "That I want to serve my motherland and consider all the countrymen as Brothers and Sisters"

They are appointed as our sevants but they consider themselves as masters..The why keep this misnomer -CIVIL SERVANT..?? Why not CIVIL MASTER????

I'm happy that Akshima is no longer with her..He definitely didnt deserved such an angel coz she was the one who used to scan all the newspapers to feed him the news so that he can utilize the time and study other things..She was very busy but still while travelling to and from the office she used to do this..
She never demanded time for her to let him excel in the exams..
And this is what she got..I'm vry happy for her..

But it just left an indelible mark about the selection process of the beaurocrats..And more so because he represents the youth brigade about which we always boast about..

Where are we heading??

Padhai ke Side-Effects!

Like all good things like Fun , Food and Friendship , if classes are attended way more than required by student's unsaid standards , then it shows signs. And I'm saying all this coz I'm a victim of this deadly disease..no actually its a syndrome..
Its like a vicious circle..Once you are trapped into any part of the loop , there is no escape..
I used to be a regular college girl with bunking more classes than attending and then giving exams on the basis of tips given here.And i knw you all would trust me on this that i fared almost equal to the toppers..
Ok Ok I exaggerated , but I managed to pass farely on my own with little help from oogling eyes.. And yes i have to mention that this talent of popping your eyeballs out without ever letting them fall is taught free here in India ..Remeber those men standing on the corners of the roads .. You just have to walk down the road ... no no not too far away just walk down your local gali.. I'm sure you'll manage to observe atleast 1- 2 oogle-rs..Just observe them, and look you are all set to give exams with newly acquired talent of ur eyes.. but dont forget to thanks those omnipresent men..Had it not been for them , we would not have passed.. Now you know why there are not enough programmes run by govt. to sensitize these men as they are serving the student community..

So I was this bubbly kid following the set norms, but one day a seed of radicalism burst in me and at our regular hangout zone I announced my friends that I'm going to attend all the lectures of Probability.Everybody just said its just old world Mathematics hangover and she'll be fine..But I was determined and for the first time I attended almost all the lectures.. Once the condition was that there was not a single student except me in the class..In general also , the environment of that calss was more or less like private tution..It was because no one bothers much to attend class whose attendance are not given weightage for internal assessment..

Anyhow the classes have ended and we have an exam tomorrow of probability..And I have not yet manged to complete a single page of the book coz since 2 days I'm only on phone.Everybody is asking the following more or less the similar pattern on phone..here are the excerpts

Friend : Hi
Me: Hi.. Kitna padha
Friend : Abhi kaha yaar.Tu bata.. tujhe to sab aata hoga..tu to uski chamchi thi..
Me: Arre nahi yaar. I used to be present there physically never mentally..
Friend : chal rehne de. sab pata hai..ab bata na jaldi kya kya bataya tha..drama kyun kar rahi hai
Me: kuch nahi..sachhi..
Friend : Achha treat pakka.. jaha tu bolegi..
Me: (good idea)par agar wo ques na aaye to tu mujhe kahega/kahegi ki galat bataya..
Friend: I wont utter a word..thats a promise..
ME : and treat??
Friend: @#$%^ le liyo yaar.. !@#$$%
then I told them some questions from last few years just for those promised parties..

This is how my two prep days were lost on phone..And I got the enlightment from this instance that in matters of classes always go with the flow..
I'm heavy with guilt, let me share with u what happened with me in the classes..How I felt cheated..
1. When probability class were about to start we were told we would be taught by a very handsome teacher in our college, on whom i had a secret crush.. which is now over after this enlightenment..
But as soon as I entered the class an old female bengali teacher was writting something on the board..With my heart in my mouth I wanted to run away from there but because of those long sppeches about the use of probability given over rounds of teas and samosas i couldn't muster courage...So i quietly sat down in a lonely corner..
And since then I had to attend all the classes with zilch interest :( ;(

2. After some days , almost all subject's course was covered .so we were required to go to the college just for probability lectures , which other students decided to bunk and as you all know why , i had to travel for about 1.5 hrs to attend that @#$%$^ lecture..
And twice it happened to me that that teacher didnt turned up..And the class was scheduled at 2p.m... So surviving that deadly heat I reached college and then came back..
I obviously never told anyone about this lest they would have laughed at me..

3. Rem i told you, once I even attended class alone.That day while I was waiting for the teacher i was thinking that she would praise me and I'll now be in her good books ( which would fetch me marks in internal assessment )..
But you know what, she scolded me.. firstly I got the bashing on behalf of my classmates as to why they all didn't turned up and Secondly that I should have informed her so that she didnt have to travel all the way just to teach a single student..
So all hopes crashed then and there..

4. I didnt understood a word in class coz already i used to be in my dream world(as I used to be without my friends who keep me awake) and to add to that the teacher had heavy bengali accent ..

So after attending I'm not even half prepared as to when I didn't attended a SINGLE CLASS..All my prep time lost on phone..
So I thought to enlighten you all so that no one falls prey to these monsters-cum-classes..

P.S. : I'm adding my signature to my posts now which I used to love whenever I visited Kaddu's or Chiranjib's blog.. I hope Kaddu won't file any copyright thingie on me , as since I'm her reader I'm always on the lookout to lift things up from her blog ! :P

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Last week was a little hectic..Internal assessment was gng on in college, So I was supposed to study .Though I hardly made any new interconnection between the neurons but still whole room was smelling profusely of academic books and the usual mess of papers and novels took a back seat..
So I was all set with the paraphernalia associated with the exam like a pile of xeroxed notes from collected from last 5year's nerds , lib. refrence books and usual dose of maggi was bought in case of emmergency craving for food at night..

But all pre-studies efforts went futile (except the maggi :P) coz I didnt studied at all..I gave my exams purely on the basis of my long-term memory..I decided to be a little adventurous (well actually I had no choice) and decided to use good ol' common sense and whatever little I had faint recollections of the miniscule number of classes attended.
Believe it or not, during the exam I got some spl. power.. I could see the questions which were not even asked and i answered them.. Later on I remembered , once a teacher said in school "jab paper mein kuch nahi aata to wo dikhai deta hai jo pucha hi nahi hota" ( translated as - When u dnt knw anything in exam, u can see whatever is not actually asked)..
They say u learn the life's biggest lessons in school.. So true.. Sigh!!

Anyways have to keep my fingers crossed till the result.. :P

Since yesterday i'm just reading blogs and more blogs.. And Dont u think my exams are over.. one still left and there is one more very very important task at hand for this week for which I should stay burried in my books..
But just for these silly little two things I cant put neck muscles to spasm and stay away from the lovely blogs and awesome reading material..So here i'm ..Back again...

I landed first on Kaddu's blog and she had installed a yahoo widget with she can have a live chat with us.. I decided to have it on my blog too after chatting with kaddu this morning on this very widget only..Till now I have tried it with Ravi and he was getting my chats twice.later on it was fixed on its own..

So now I'm also a proud owner of the yahoo ping box.. :)
Now to aquaint u guys with the new member of my blog family.. U just have to enter a nick name and we'll set the ball rolling between us.But there is just one glitch.. that sometimes I'm out there for doing some preposterousness..
But no worries.. In those dull moments U can always comment on my posts ..lol.. :P

A Second Chance??

Just now I was chatting with a friend.. And he asked me "Are you still with him??"
Pat came the reply frome me "Kind of"
Discussion about him ended there but then I started thinking - What the F***k..What am I doing??

I should have said No.Not at all..I cant be with a person who treated me as a crap.

Around two weeks back I called him and he replied "Move On"..And I was trying to move on..

And suddenly three days back he calls me and says SORRY and I'm all for him again..I again start waiting for his calls..I dont leave my phone anywhere.I'm again forwarding those mushy lovey-dovey messages to him..I'm planning my future again with him..

Am I again building a glass castle only to be broken..or should I trust him one more time just to be let down again , just to be thrashed again, to be left again all by myself ..

Am I losing my self-respect??I need to find out these answers before I succumb to him again..
I dont want to lose myself again just to feed his ego..

Blooger Friendship's Award!

This whole week was spent on thinking about what to blog.It was kind of funny.I used to get these brilliant ideas (as per me!) to blog while traveling in DTC, while my hands were engaged -one is used to hold the rod which prevents me from falling during those disastrous brakes and the other dilligently works to elbow the adventurous (read lecherous) male species..So I couldnt note down those ideas on paper, I made use of my neurons to make some interconnections to register the things-to -be- blogged..
But as soon as I sat to type those down , it was all gone, vanished in a second.. :(
It was like a dream, no matter how hard u try, u'll never be able to recollect what all u saw in that "dream sequence"
And this was not just once, it hapened to me this whole week..I felt as if the world is conspiring against me..Anyways today very dejected I opened my blog after a long time to have a look at it..It had a new comment from Rads.As I was reading that in the fraction of second I got three ideas to blog..And the comment itself was an idea to blog..so that makes to a total of four..

For the time being my ideas can wait coz Rads idea can not wait..
U knw what .. she gave me an award -BLOGGER FRIENDSHIP AWARD
I'm all teary eyed and overwhelmed . Ok Ok.. I'm very happy .. Love u girl!

So I'm continuing the chain and thanking you to with my oh-not-to-be -blogged things..
Here is my list of WINNERS!

1. Adesh Sidhu- Not being sarkari is the crisp-iest description for his blog.We both beat each other on cribbing about Delhi summers on twitter :P

2. Archana- Love her Vector Art

3.Dazed by the light I see - A beautiful blog!

3.Ravi sagar- A dear friend and we share a kind of telepathy between us!His blogs inspired me to have my own
blog.Me being a techno-challenged and he being a software professional helps me in most of the
silly things (mind u..silly for him and tough for me ! :P )

4.Kaddu- Her name is enough to be attracted to her.. kaddu! :)No, seriously I love her name and blog..I even
started calling my bro - Kaddu! :D

5.Kokonad - A big fan of his 2-D graphical representation of life..

6.Rads - She was the first one to follow my blog and even present me with this award.

7. Sugar Cube - A sugary girl.. love her posts..

8. Parv kaushik - looks at life from a different angle.

9. Tikuli - I love her poetry..

10.Sumit - still waiting for cornettoes.. :P

12.Dr.Pushkar - His blogs are a great source of info.And taught me about RT on twitter! :)

Please excuse me if I missed anyone..If anyone likes the idea then plaease carry on the idea..Give it to me also if u find me worthy of it.. :P


Update (17th June'09)

Ashwini Dixit : We came to know each other few days back through commenting on each other blogs.Then
Yahoo Pingu came into our lives.. And we became friends (right?? ) ..I love his posts coz he thinks so much abt poor and destitutes.
And also coz he always puts my fav songs on his blog.. :P

Something is better than nothing..

Phew.. finally I'm writting a post..Nothing happened to me,Nothing happened to anyone because of me .. so you see I had nothing which I can blog about..Infact I didn't even watched any movie( thanks to the unbearable sunrays dropping perpendicularly on my skin).

Yesterday I was thinking that I should write that I'm suffering from the very famous "writer's block".But after a session of soul-searching,I ended the meeting with my soul with the conclusion that I'm not much of a writer that I can suffer from the famous block..I know..I know you all must be teary-eyed by now and would be saying "how modest this girl is".But thats how I am..Grown on staple diet of TV episodes of sanskari bahus and betis which somehow seeped into me..LOL

Anyways now the condition is not diagnosed, so no treatment..So you have to excuse me for scribbing nonsense here.. :)

This whole week the only thing I've done passionately is cribbing about the weather.I left no stone unturned to bash the summers..Be it starting or ending a converasation, talking to friends or seniors, buying vegetables or a mobilephone I've used every opportunity ,but all in vain :( I think summers don't have ears.:P

Next on my priority list was pampering every individual I know to convince him/her to go to Lal Quila..But there also I'm a failure.Either I'm not good at convincing or people dont like my company..But I prefer the former is the only reason ..lol.

Then I went to a marriage ceremony..there it was the usual eat and dance endlessly as if there is no tomorrow..But there was a twist..The boy was Indian and girl a German.So limelight completely shifted to the girl (poor boy :( )As the boy was "sun-kissed" the jealous aunty-jees were working overnight in their gossip factories.". So that was double-fun..eavesdropping on their conversation..

Then I wanted to pretend as an intellectual girl, so I chucked everything and grabbed a copy of Jane Austen's Emma..Thats a different story though that I haven't read it after 10 pages.The real reason is that I've to concentrate hard unlike other books..But here also I love the reason that I'm short of time! :D

Then I took some time-out for my future..And that was the only fruitful thign of this week..

And yes I bought a cigar-cum-hookah pipe..though I dont smoke!

MITTI KE RANG

MITTI KE RANG
DUNIYA BADAL GAYI...
INSAAN BADAL GAYE...
BADLE NAHIN KABHI YEH..
MITTI KE RANG, MITTI KE RANG...
Sound familiar no!!Yeah you are bang on..Its the same old doordarshan serial which we all who were born two decades back grew up watching..
Those were the days of no zooming in and out of cameras..Protagonist in the serials used to wear very "humanly"attire..Never did we felt the need of being a rocket scientist to understand the scheming and plotting by ultra-sexy backless blouses clad vamps..In those days if a household was shown poor,it never meant that they will have 4bhk apartment.It just meant a poor family having hand-to-mouth existence and struggling to make ends meet..
But why am I comparing all those good old serials to the crap we have on our idiot box today.. coz I catched an episode of "Mitti ke rang" on doordarshan today!!And that too the episode which I used to love when I was a kid..
Its a story of a boy who is all alone this whole wide world..and he is now standing at the beach watching a happy family of four picnicking.And then the children from that family who are of the same age as his starts playing frisbee with him..Then they have lunch..mom-dad gave some food to him too..and then asks him to wash their dishes in the waves of sea..and then mom counts the dishes..and she founds out there is one steel spoon missing..They accuse him of stealing that SPOON..Crowd gathers and start beating the boy just for a spoon..Family hurles abuses on the boy,sits in the car and goes back to home..At home mom finds the spoon cornered in the picnic basket!!
Without any added camera effects and background scores doordarshan serials used to comment on our lives..There were so many each from different genre and each reflecting a different persona..Rajni,Malgudi Days,Gul Gulshan Gulfam,Tamas,Hum Log,Buniyad,Sanjha Chulha,Potli wala baba,neem ka ped,The Discovery Of India,Yeh Jo Hai Jindagi,Challenge The Master and many more..
Ahh..I used to love them..I wish I could watch them all over again..Need to find the dvd..I've seen some Dvds in I guess Planet M..I'll definitely buy those when I can afford them..Till then I'll keep blogging about and keep the memories alive!! :)

How can i move on?

y'day i was going through my things which my mum says need to be thrown out.but i'm so attached to my things i cant part away with these..may be I'm paranoid but I just can't throw away movie tickets of chanakya, delhi-haat tickets,candy wrappers,my completely torned ludo board,tattered skipping rope,my white frilled frock and what not!

while i was in this process of going down the memory lane i came across some cards and some papers with my feelings for u inscribed on those..i read and re-read till my eyes filled with warm tears and made me numb..I could never garner enough courage to tell u what I feel and u never bothered to ask me..Though we were in a relationship for so many years , but I was only a habit for u which u very conviniently gave away for acquiring a new one.

I picked up phone dialled ur number , u disconected and sent me an SMS "dnt dstrb me and move on in ur life"I called up again u disconnected and switched off the phone.eyes again swollen with tear..I want to run away.But where??No place in whole wide world where I can't sense u,where I can forget u,where I can't see u,where i can hide my emotions,where I can MOVE ON

I just hope, wish ,pray may be someday I can understand u, maybe someday u wil come to me and wipe away my tears-smothered face,may be u'll again hold my hand, caress my hair, shout at me, love me..

Siblings

I re-read God of small things today..I always feel that me and my brother also have that same connection as Rahel and Estha share.Though we are not "two-egged twins" but still in many ways we are like them.We think alike,as kids it was never me or u it was always us,our mother is also the most beautiful woman..

After reading all the chilhood memories came running back to my mind ..we used to play hide and seek,ludo,carrom..fought for our only bicycle. though I never rode it perfectly, i always used to drive it on a sleeping dog, but still I used to fight for cycle.

Though we fought all the way to the school and while coming back but still we used to wait in hot afternoons , just to elbow out each other..and keep talking and sharing and still saying after each sentence "I hate u and will never talk to u". We were and still are best-friends though we don't acknowledge this.I always know what he is thinking and he can map my mind as well.On the look-out it gave the impression of a 100% hate-hate relationship but only we knew it was just love..We are the perfect examples for those who say that hate is another form of love!

whenever we are together we don't need anyone else..we always have so much to talk,to share or sometimes just to be with each other.

i love my life!

I was going through my older posts today and noticed that the only thing I'm doing here is cribbing..Sometimes about boyfriend,lecherous men,parents or sometimes life in general..

I mean anyone who will read my blog (for that matter if someone exists who takes time out to read it:P ) will think that I'm one dukhi atma.. So lemme clarify I'm not so stressed out.And this clarification is more for myself...I have great things to look upto..Friends,family,college,pesky neighbours and most of all movies and writting..No no dont get me wrong..I'm no creative intellectual types.. I meant writting literally with pen and paper and it can be anything even copying notes or just endless signatures on a plain paper..i just loove it!How I wish someone paid me for this..Trust me I would have had my income in 6figures..(This 6figure thing I learnt from the matrimonial ads :P ..i was trying to see do I fit into any of those..But alas I dont use fair and lovely! )

and the thing that comes close second is movies..I love all the movies.no matter what genre,actors or language(but need subtitles :P ).you'll never hear a no from me for a movie..I saw 10x8 tasveer ore was it 8x10??never mind.. it was a below average suspense thriller..But as it was below avg movie so living upto its genre a below avg man could have easily thought of the same plot 10 minutes faster than what the story-writer had thought..I wonder whats the IQ level of the story-teller :O anyways I felt good after the movie coz I got the answer that my brain levels are definitely higher than him..u knw thats why I love all the movies..good ones teaches you something,avg ones revises whatever u already know and bad ones makes u feel better that someone out there exists who ranks below you!

Dark n Ugly..

(images from internet)

Y'day i went to a very old friend.lets call her namita..we were together from class 5..we used to have similar heights,similar body structure and almost similar hair-dos..But there was one marked difference between us..She was fair and I was dark.I always secretly admired her fairness.I remeber once a teacher told us while passing by us in corridor "are u twins??".. obviously we laughed and said no..and the thing was over for namita but I was so happy that someone compared me(a dark girl) with namita(the epitome of beauty-coz she was fair!).I came back home and told my mom..she heard it and said ok..Nobody understood that time why I was happy.even I didnt..I just knew that somehow I have got some beauty in me..
But when I met namita's mom y'day after so many years I got to understand what that happines meant to me in my childhood.lemme try it out in dialogues..
me: namaste aunty..
namita's mom: namaste beta..how are u??
me: me fine..u tell..
namita's mom: good.but beta ye kya ho gaya??(giving a scary look)
me:kya??(confused)
namita's mom: tu to aur bhi kali ho gayi..kuch lagaya kar skin par..aajkal to itni creams aati hain.rang pakka ho gaya to shadi bhi nahi hogi..
me : (can not u'stand how to react) koi baat nahi aunty..nahi karungi shadi..
namita's mom:(cajoling) arey nahi aisa kyun keh rahi hai..koi na koi to mil hi jayega tujhe bhi..
namita interrupts her moom to stop embarrasing me..

I thought may be namita is different from her mother..but she has alrready stepped in her mother shoes..she said you dont worry ..I'll tell you one face pack..after using that u'll be fair in flat 3 months..my cousin has experienced this(and she was giving a concerned look)

But I suppose this dark complexion prob is not only limited to just namita and her mom..it is very deep rooted in our society.

And now a days there's a new euphemism emerging for dark skins like rusty,dusky tones ..I just feel why is there any need to describe our complexion?have u ever seen a fair girl being described as "a dawny toned-girl"?? (sorry but my creativity doesnt run so much to create euphemisms)
I have met many people who try to push me into depression just coz i am not "fair".But thankfully they have never succeeded(though I admit I was a bit concerned till I was in maybe class8 or 9)..I wish people live their own life and let everybody live their.. :)